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Why did the chicken cross the road in OT?

OT Humor 2004

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#1 Cardie

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 02:49 PM

These are all meant in good fun, and Iíve made sure to balance left and right.  None of the links is real.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Drew:  Despite all the chatter in the mainstream media about the terrible conditions at the poultry farm and the suspected involvement of the regional offices of KFC, no one has picked up this good news, reported by heartlandblogger:

Quote

Just on the other side of the road from the poultry farm that PETA types, in a typical move, have dubbed ChickenAuschwitz, is the Domestic Bird Haven established twenty years ago by the local citizensí group that calls itself Good Folks Who Abjure Bicoastalism.

So we can see that there was a Midwestern solution available to that chicken, without the liberal press sticking its nose in.  Iíve  also learned here  that the poultry farm is actually a tax write-off for a consortium of mouthy Hollywood movie stars.

Shaun: Hereís the latest from The Guardian:

Quote

Sources within the British coalition troops report that impromptu barbecues by American marines in Iraq have caused a decided shift in allegiance by the indigenous poultry population.† Once viewing the coalition as liberators, the chickens are increasingly allying themselves with the radical militias of Muqtada al-Sadr, crossing roads in droves to join the other side.

See also

Link

Link

Link


G1223:  Edited out at G's request.

Una Salus Lillius: Itís nobodyís gorram business whether a chicken crosses the road or why.  Sheesh, people.  It felt like crossing the road, so it did.  Thereís no law that says chickens have to explain their motives for moving, although there are plenty of conservatives who would like to pass one. Iíll bet that chicken feels just like Mal Reynolds every time he has to deal with the Alliance.

Lord of the Sword: WTF!  They made that chicken cross the road to get to the other side?!?  In the meantime, the former Mayor, who ought to have gotten 25 to life for everything he stole from the city, has everything he wants from the other side brought over to him by the cops.  Of course, the chicken at least got to cross the road unmolested.  My second cousin was crossing it one time and got a ticket for jay-walking.  And that chicken was an illegal immigrant.

MuseZack: Thereís in fact a long history of road-crossing by chickens along that stretch of highway.

Link
The conservative bloggers just recently got excited about it because a John Kerry campaign headquarters opened up on one side of the road, and now the right is claiming that even chickens canít stand Kerryís waffling.  However, Sy Hersh has learned that

Quote

Agents of Bushís Department of Agriculture were deployed to plant high-grade chicken feed and an attractive rooster on the side of the road opposite the Kerry building in order to make it look like Kerry was losing the poultry vote.

Javert Rovinski: Link  

Hereís the money quote:

Quote

Why did the chicken cross the road?† To get to the other side.

Now, Iíll reserve judgment until we have it confirmed whether the article is referring to the other side of the road or the other side of the political spectrum, but if the motive was political, this could be a huge development for the Bush campaign.

Cardie: Iíd like to have more context on this too.  We need to know whether thereís any chance the chicken was compelled to cross the road, rather than going of its own volition.  I am certainly against any forced crossings of any kind.  On the other hand, if the far side of the road is indeed a better environment for chickens, who am I to object just because the human residents are Republicans?

ĎHawk: Mmmm, chicken.

:p  :p  :p

Cardie

Edited by Cardie, 13 June 2004 - 06:10 PM.

Nothing succeeds like excess.

#2 GiGi

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 02:56 PM

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!


Bravo Cardie, well done!!!!

:lol:  :hehe:  :devil:
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#3 Bad Wolf

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 02:57 PM

Cardie, on Jun 13 2004, 12:47 PM, said:

Una Salus Lillius: Itís nobodyís gorram business whether a chicken crosses the road or why.  Sheesh, people.  It felt like crossing the road, so it did.  Thereís no law that says chickens have to explain their motives for moving, although there are plenty of conservatives who would like to pass one. Iíll bet that chicken feels just like Mal Reynolds every time he has to deal with the Alliance.
*crying with laughter*  

Cardie, you've outdone yourself.  You're a gorram GENIUS!!!!!!!  And eeeeeevil too.  I'm sure Mal would approve.   :angel:
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#4 Nick

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 03:08 PM

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Gewd Gawd Cardie!!! I'm laughing so hard that tears are streaming down my face and my stomach hurts!!

-Nick

#5 Godeskian

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 03:12 PM

mwahahaha

oh that's funny

but obviously i'm not controversial enough :p

nah, this was great.

Defy Gravity!


The Doctor: The universe is big. It's vast and complicated and ridiculous and sometimes, very rarely, impossible things just happen and we call them miracles... and that's a theory. Nine hundred years and I've never seen one yet, but this will do me.


#6 Nick

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 03:18 PM

tennyson: The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road if the chicken processing budget would be increased enough to buy a few more APCs (armored poultry carriers).  You can see how ineffectively equipped our international chicken task force is:

-17 Automated feather-pluckers
-13 industrial-grade roasting pans
-15 high temperature bulk frying vats
-12,000 gallons of Crisco
-5,000 pallets of Col. Sander's MK-5 seasoning blend
-6 BockBock class poultry trucks
-2,000 gallons of tropical sweet & sour dipping sauce.

Our resources are stretched to the limit, we can barely handle our Iraqi chicken obligations, and have had to shift much of our equipment from Afganistan last month--leaving the fry-cooks there with virtually nothing.

Edited by Nick, 13 June 2004 - 03:20 PM.


#7 Cardie

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 03:19 PM

^^It's not about being controversial, CH, it's about having a distinctive "voice" that is recognizable even if caricatured.  So just congratulate yourself on being too complex to be pigeonholed.

Cardie
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#8 Godeskian

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 03:20 PM

woohoo :p

Defy Gravity!


The Doctor: The universe is big. It's vast and complicated and ridiculous and sometimes, very rarely, impossible things just happen and we call them miracles... and that's a theory. Nine hundred years and I've never seen one yet, but this will do me.


#9 Cardie

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 03:23 PM

Nick, on Jun 13 2004, 04:16 PM, said:

Our resources are stretched to the limit, we can barely handle our Iraqi chicken obligations, and have had to shift much of our equipment from Afganistan last month--leaving the fry-cooks there with virtually nothing.
Or, in that vein, CJ:  "That chicken had better cross the road.  The new Apaches are armed with advanced generation heat-seeking missiles that can blow the giblets out of a fryer at a hundred mile range."

Cardie
Nothing succeeds like excess.

#10 Nick

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 03:46 PM

Christopher: We shouldn't jump to conclusions.  Recent studies have failed to turn up empirical evidence on the behavioral complexities of Gallus Domesticus.  Road-crossing has also been witnessed in various species of ducks, geese, and waterfowl--although those studies are still awaiting sufficient peer-review.

#11 G1223

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 03:52 PM

Cardie remove the quote about me right now.
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#12 Ilphi

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 04:01 PM

LOL. You are so right, Cardie :)
Yea, ere my hot youth pass, I speak to my people and say:
Ye shall be foolish as I; ye shall scatter, not save;
Ye shall venture your all, lest ye lose what is more than all;
Ye shall call for a miracle, taking Christ at His word.
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#13 Kevin Street

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 04:41 PM

It's all the fault of the vegetarians. ;)

LOL Cardie. :D But aren't you missing someone?

Edited by Kevin Street, 13 June 2004 - 04:42 PM.

Per aspera ad astra

#14 Chipper

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 05:18 PM

^ Me? ;)
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#15 MuseZack

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 05:23 PM

Man is my face red.  Way to go, Cardie.
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#16 Rov Judicata

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 05:29 PM

Wow. This is almost too good...

:lol:
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#17 Cardie

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 06:08 PM

G1223, on Jun 13 2004, 04:50 PM, said:

Cardie remove the quote about me right now.
Done, G.  I wasn't trying to diss you, just having a little fun.

Cardie
Nothing succeeds like excess.

#18 Appreciate

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 06:13 PM

ROFL Cardie!!!!

This is hysterical and DEAD on.

Thank you!

Kath
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To the point where I don't know if I'll upset the status quo
If I throw poison in the water main..."
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#19 JadziaDax

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 06:38 PM

LOL!
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#20 jon3831

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Posted 13 June 2004 - 07:03 PM

:welldone: Cardie

And I mean well done. Not Well Done, as in...

Oh, forget it...

;) ;)
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WWCELeMD?



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