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If you were having a baby, would you want to

Children Pregnancy Knowing the gender

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Poll: Would you want to know the gender of any baby you were having? (44 member(s) have cast votes)

Would you want to know the gender of any baby you were having?

  1. Yes, its important to me/I have a condition that runs in my family in mostly one gender (1 votes [2.27%])

    Percentage of vote: 2.27%

  2. Yes, my partner/other relatives would want to know (0 votes [0.00%])

    Percentage of vote: 0.00%

  3. Yes, I hate not knowing things and because I can (2 votes [4.55%])

    Percentage of vote: 4.55%

  4. Yes, I would want to start picking names or buy gendered stuff before the baby is born. (8 votes [18.18%])

    Percentage of vote: 18.18%

  5. Yes, plain curiousity (7 votes [15.91%])

    Percentage of vote: 15.91%

  6. Yes, other (please explain) (1 votes [2.27%])

    Percentage of vote: 2.27%

  7. No, it doesn't matter, as long as its healthy (9 votes [20.45%])

    Percentage of vote: 20.45%

  8. No, I would like it to be a surprise (3 votes [6.82%])

    Percentage of vote: 6.82%

  9. No, my partner/relatives would like it to be a surprise (0 votes [0.00%])

    Percentage of vote: 0.00%

  10. No, I don't want me nor family to pigeon hole my child into gender roles before its born (1 votes [2.27%])

    Percentage of vote: 2.27%

  11. No, I don't think telling of gender should be allowed as some people abort based on that (0 votes [0.00%])

    Percentage of vote: 0.00%

  12. No, other (please explain) (0 votes [0.00%])

    Percentage of vote: 0.00%

  13. I don't know (2 votes [4.55%])

    Percentage of vote: 4.55%

  14. I'm never having kids (10 votes [22.73%])

    Percentage of vote: 22.73%

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#21 Kevin Street

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Posted 20 June 2004 - 02:06 PM

Do you mean it's silly to ban the procedure in the first world, or everywhere? Imo, there are some pretty good reasons to ban such things in developing countries.

#22 iMel

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Posted 20 June 2004 - 02:19 PM

Although I'm not very particular about names and will probably more or less let that be my partner's decision, I would want to know whether it's a boy or girl for the purpose of buying things in advance. It would be hectic to have to go out and buy a bunch of things in addition to taking care of an infant (since I don't want everything to be gender neutral).
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#23 maryavatar

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Posted 20 June 2004 - 02:45 PM

Neozephyrus, on Jun 20 2004, 07:17 PM, said:

Although I'm not very particular about names and will probably more or less let that be my partner's decision, I would want to know whether it's a boy or girl for the purpose of buying things in advance. It would be hectic to have to go out and buy a bunch of things in addition to taking care of an infant (since I don't want everything to be gender neutral).
You never have to buy anything for the first three months.  Even if you don't have a large family, people will just give you stuff.  When I had my first child, everyone I knew, even casually, turned up at some point with clothes.  When one of my neighbours had a baby, she ended up with enough stuff that her daughter didn't wear the same thing twice until she was six weeks old.

My contribution was fifteen vests, four pink dresses and a pram  :blush:
"When God made the arse, he didn't say, 'Hey, it's just your basic hinge, let's knock off early.' He said, 'Behold ye angels, I have created the arse. Throughout the ages to come, men and women shall grab hold of these, and shout my name.'"

#24 Orpheus

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Posted 20 June 2004 - 02:52 PM

That name thing is a particularly good point. The task of naming a child reduced me to a gibbering blob (obviously, I never recovered). Fortunately, my ex had a positively eerie ability to pick names that struck me as odd or unusual, but became extremely common., Studies in the  late 70s and early 80s showed that having common and trendy names with positive percieved attributes affect (e.g.) teacher impressions and may even be good for about half a grade (e.g. B+ or A-  instead of a B) on average in school.

It rather makes me ill, but that's life. Heck, I'd probably mandate a full grade boost for anyone named, for example,  "Bambi" (and give him a car, if he's a boy - no, 6 years old isn't too young) With parents like that, they'll have enough challenges to overcome in childhood without worrying about school

She named her first daughter "Brianna" which was, at the time, so weird that her friends whispered private theories behind her back. Within a year or two, there were Briannas  *everywhere*. It's a family thing. Her stepsister named her first daughter "Ashley", after a *male* character in "Gone withthe Wind". This was likewise a *very* unusual name back then. Two years later, I couldn't turn around in a mall without runing over half a dozen Ashleyys with my cart. Not that I was aiming to run over step-sis-in-laws's Ashley or anything.  (That's my story and I'm sticking to it.)

I'm still kind of freaked out by that ability - but grateful.  If you know some of the ployglot nicknames I gave the lids over the years, you'd understand. For example, I though "Goyathlay" was a cute nickname for my son during his first week  (It's Geronimo's real name, and means "he who yawns" - not that he yawned much after that one whopper he let loose when he met me, but I always thought of it as meaning "he who yawns at great challenges" anyway)  

Soon after that he decided to control his own nicknames by setting himself off on outrageous adventures. Bright boy. When dad writes you your very theme songs, and teaches the other kids to sing them, you need a certain degree of control.

I think we should let kids name themselves at some point before or at the transition to adulthood. Adolescents couldn't do any worse than us fogeys.

Edited by Orpheus, 20 June 2004 - 03:13 PM.


#25 Bad Wolf

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Posted 20 June 2004 - 02:58 PM

Kevin Street, on Jun 20 2004, 12:04 PM, said:

Do you mean it's silly to ban the procedure in the first world, or everywhere? Imo, there are some pretty good reasons to ban such things in developing countries.
Well Kevin the day we start going into developing countries and telling them they can't stone women for alleged infidelity or mutilate their genitals for "cultural" reasons is the day I'll advocate us dictating whether or not parents should be able to know the gender of their baby before birth.
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#26 Kevin Street

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Posted 20 June 2004 - 04:58 PM

But Lil, this isn't a case of the west telling the rest what to do - gender selection is already banned in many countries because people there are afraid of what the practice will do to the gender mix of their populations. There seem to be valid reasons to make it illegal to know the gender of one's baby in countries where female infants are routinely killed.

I agree with you about stoning and genital mutilation. Those horrific crimes should be outlawed everywhere.
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#27 Bad Wolf

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Posted 20 June 2004 - 05:07 PM

Don't get me wrong, I think that the idea of killing an infant because it's female is appalling.  By my standards.  By my standards, which are necessarily very much influenced by my own culture, those other things I mentioned are also appalling.  But at what point do those standards get to dictate the standards of another culture? I mean this goes to the very question of what the heck the US is doing meddling in the Middle East don't you think?  It's a tough question.  More than once I've thought that the US ought to do something to stop some of these cutoms.  Then the annoying concept of sovereignty keeps rearing its head.

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#28 Shalamar

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Posted 20 June 2004 - 05:15 PM

Lil, I agree that it is a very hard and often ugly notion to deal with the imposing of 'our standards, moral, ethics on other but I guess for me it comes down to what is 'right'/ what is 'good' in the greater over all sense of the word/concept.

I feel that aborton is a womans right, and that no one should be able by cultural norms etc to tell her to have one - for any reason.

I feel that a culture that says females are less valuable than a male are wrong on a basic level.

Stoneing and genitial mutliation is wrong, I don't care what the culture says - they are wrong on a basic level of wrongness ( just IMO )

Sometimes I feel that 'culture' has to take a back seat to rightness.
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#29 Bad Wolf

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Posted 20 June 2004 - 05:18 PM

Shalamar, on Jun 20 2004, 03:13 PM, said:

Lil, I agree that it is a very hard and often ugly notion to deal with the imposing of 'our standards, moral, ethics on other but I guess for me it comes down to what is 'right'/ what is 'good' in the greater over all sense of the word/concept.

I feel that aborton is a womans right, and that no one should be able by cultural norms etc to tell her to have one - for any reason.

I feel that a culture that says females are less valuable than a male are wrong on a basic level.

Stoneing and genitial mutliation is wrong, I don't care what the culture says - they are wrong on a basic level of wrongness ( just IMO )

Sometimes I feel that 'culture' has to take a back seat to rightness.
I agree with you in principle.  But who gets to decide what is right or wrong "in the greater over all sense of the word/concept."  The US?  The UN?  By what right?  Does the United States have a right to, for example, take military action against a country that practices these acts of barbarism against women?
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#30 maryavatar

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Posted 20 June 2004 - 05:33 PM

I get very wary when someone says something along the lines of 'this thing is just right/wrong'.  There are no absolutes, there are only opinions.  

It may be the opinion of many people that aborting a fetus because of its gender is wrong.  However, in my opinion, it's just as wrong to bring an unwanted child into the world.  Would it be better if the practice of abandoning female children continued?  It's not as common in the west as it is in the East, but it does still happen.
"When God made the arse, he didn't say, 'Hey, it's just your basic hinge, let's knock off early.' He said, 'Behold ye angels, I have created the arse. Throughout the ages to come, men and women shall grab hold of these, and shout my name.'"

#31 Bad Wolf

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Posted 20 June 2004 - 05:52 PM

^ Ayup.  I guess the question is whether "good and evil" exist beyond our perspectives.  I mean is there such a thing as good in a vaccuum?
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#32 Norville

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Posted 20 June 2004 - 07:07 PM

Delvo said:

They're not thinking about boys' or girls' worth in society or biological necessity. They're thinking about who's going to support them in retirement.

Yes, but how does that not have to do with the worth of girl children and the resultant female infanticide? "You're not male, so you can't support us in retirement; therefore, you can't live." How does that *not* cover a girl's "worth in society"?

maryavatar said:

It may be the opinion of many people that aborting a fetus because of its gender is wrong. However, in my opinion, it's just as wrong to bring an unwanted child into the world.

I agree that forcing unwanted children to be born isn't right, but the feminist in me still complains about female infanticide. So, yeah, I'm debating two opposite opinions with myself. Heck, it makes life more exciting. :rolleyes:
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#33 Drew

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Posted 20 June 2004 - 07:47 PM

To us it just made sense to find out the gender of our little sugar 'n' spice pooping device. It was very helpful in buying clothes, borrowing clothes, and receiving clothes as gifts. Neutral colors are fine, but you'll soon get sick of yellow and green.

And while the pink/blue tradition may be a little silly, it saves people from the embarassment of having to ask "boy or girl" when the catch a glimpse of the little bald-headed tyke.  :cool:  Even so, we've had people take a peek at our pinkified little sprout and declare that "he" was a real cutie. As much as I disdained the idea of having pink things take over my life, I've gotten used to it.

And if someone you know is having a baby, and you want to buy clothes, consider buying 3 to 6 month size . . . or larger. They're going to get TONS of newborn-sized clothes. I think we had enough to dress her in a different outfit every day at first, but unless we do some serious shopping, she's going to be naked this winter.
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#34 Bad Wolf

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Posted 20 June 2004 - 07:50 PM

Drew, on Jun 20 2004, 05:45 PM, said:

Even so, we've had people take a peek at our pinkified little sprout and declare that "he" was a real cutie.
*sigh*  And now I can't get the Pinky and the Brain song out of my head.  :wacko:
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#35 QueenTiye

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Posted 20 June 2004 - 10:56 PM

I had the option of knowing, and turned it down.  But it was hard.  If I ever got pregnant again, I might not turn it down.  

My choice, btw, was yes, for some other reason. :)  My mom wanted me to have a girl, and because I come from a family with a history of making girls first (except my cousins who were both boys, so it was argued that my uncle "just made boys" :lol:), it was nearly a foregone conclusion that I was going to have a girl.  Well - I was ambivalent about my preference at first, but over time, I became more and more sure I was going to have a boy, and couldn't help but resent all the talk of it being inevitable for me to have a girl.  I would have liked to shut everyone up, and say "the doctor said its a boy."  Moreover, it would have given my mother time to make the mental adjustment.  She ADORES her grandson, but for the first 3 years of his life, she kept buying him toys that skirted the boundaries of acceptability for a boy baby.  It took her a LONG time to get it that she had a grandson!  

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#36 sierraleone

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Posted 21 June 2004 - 01:06 AM

^ LOL :D
"No, my relatives want to know, but I don't want my relatives to know"
;)  :D

Edited by sierraleone, 21 June 2004 - 01:10 AM.

Rules for surviving an Autocracy:

Rule#1: Believe the Autocrat.
Rule#2: Do not be taken in by small signs of normality.
Rule#3: Institutions will not save you.
Rule#4: Be outraged.
Rule#5: Don't make compromises.
Rule#6: Remember the future.
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#37 FlatlandDan

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Posted 21 June 2004 - 07:55 AM

Way to ask the hard questions :rolleyes:

I wouldn't ask, but if a doctor asked me if I wanted to know I'd probably say yes.  Lots of silly reasons, really.  Right now, I live on the other side of the world from my entire family.  I have a rather large extended family, who would want to send things overseas.  The last thing I want is for them to have to spend money on things that arn't returnable/useful and mail them to me.

As a side note though, when my mom was pregnant with me she had a Greek friend who was pregnant as well.  This friend had a huge family in Greece who did the exact thing I mentioned above.  My mom's friend had a boy.  This is the reason I'm dressed up like a little Greek princess in all photographs of me under the age of 16 months :lol:

I'll also admit to wanting to pick out a name first and just generally being curious.  It would be my priority.  My best friend went into the doctor wanting to ask, but she was just so amazed by seeing the baby that she forgot.  It isn't apperently something that they put on the carts so she didn't know until the hooligan was born.
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#38 Godeskian

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Posted 21 June 2004 - 08:16 AM

Let's just say it's extremely unlikely that I myself will ever be having a child. :angel:

A wife or girlfriend however....

#39 Shalamar

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Posted 21 June 2004 - 07:06 PM

Lil  It's taken me a while to answer this because I had to wrestle with myself and my philosophies...

Some one has to take a stand, stand up and do what so many now days seem to be afraid of....some one has to 'play god' and pass a judgement ...some things are just flat out 'wrong' and 'evil' - yes I am a wiccan who believes that good and evil do exist, that there is a basis for 'right' and 'wrong', moral and imoral, ethical and unethical.

Nothing, especially life, exists in a vaccum. We all interact, intertwine, and interdepend on one another.  To say that we do not is an ostrich head in the sand mentality.
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#40 maryavatar

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Posted 21 June 2004 - 07:26 PM

Edited, because I think I was being rude.

Edited by maryavatar, 21 June 2004 - 08:36 PM.

"When God made the arse, he didn't say, 'Hey, it's just your basic hinge, let's knock off early.' He said, 'Behold ye angels, I have created the arse. Throughout the ages to come, men and women shall grab hold of these, and shout my name.'"



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