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Arranged Marriages - Workable today?

Culture Arranged Marriages

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Poll: In the modern world, can arranged marriages work? (36 member(s) have cast votes)

In the modern world, can arranged marriages work?

  1. No - people need to choose their mates and spend time with them before marriage. (9 votes [25.00%])

    Percentage of vote: 25.00%

  2. No - modern expectations are too complex for that to work. (7 votes [19.44%])

    Percentage of vote: 19.44%

  3. Maybe - under certain conditions they could work... (8 votes [22.22%])

    Percentage of vote: 22.22%

  4. Yes - with education, and input from the participants, marriages can be arranged. (9 votes [25.00%])

    Percentage of vote: 25.00%

  5. Yes - given our scientific/psychological understandings we can arrange marriages. (3 votes [8.33%])

    Percentage of vote: 8.33%

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#21 QueenTiye

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 09:31 AM

That's offensive, CH.  You know without even being told that the inclusion of the word "white" is the difference.

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#22 Godeskian

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 09:36 AM

edited to apologise for offense given.

Edited by Cyberhippie, 23 June 2004 - 10:53 AM.


#23 gaius claudius

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 09:38 AM

JUst who would be arranging this marriage for me anyways...my parents are dead and I don't have any relatives....and even when my parents were alive...we weren't very close...so I can just imagine the kind of woman my dad woould have thought I belonged with...someone very "big boned", with a  mustache thicker then mine...fundamentalist...with good wide hips for child bearing  :blink:

  Now that may have been my dad's idea of a perfect mate :o
     but it makes me want to jump out the nearest window :devil:



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#24 QueenTiye

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 09:40 AM

Cardie, on Jun 23 2004, 10:19 AM, said:

There has to be a middle ground between undergoing dating rituals and picking up people in bars until you think you've found true love and forming a domestic partnership with someone you've had no chance to find out bores you or creeps you out after a few days together.  I wouldn't go into business with someone until I'd had more socialization with them than your scheme seems to allow.

Cardie
The feeling that one must date before getting married is as I said, the only drawback to this process.  But I think there is a decent reason to avoid "dating."

As Orpheus stated above - the issue of commitment is what's at stake.  You meet someone, they have flaws, just like you.  But the dating process says - hey I don't have any commitments here, so I don't have to learn how to work with someone who has flaws - I can look for someone who is perfect (in spite of me not being so.) I'm being a bit hypercritical here, but I'm doing so on purpose.  Presented with a person who matches what you want, and maybe, if you add in some myers-briggs stuff or something (I'm mostly but not entirely joking), what you need even if you didn't know it, and who is not a criminal, and who is physically attractive to you - what else is there to learn, but that a relationship with this person is going to take work, as all relationships do?  Becoming married is becoming committed - a thirty day trial or any similar construction is avoiding the commitment.

Having said that - the accomodation I've sometimes thought of whenever this thought has passed by my brain is a personal interview - a chance to sit across a table and simply talk about whatever, before signing off on the final approval of the match.

Een Draght Mackt Maght


#25 QueenTiye

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 09:47 AM

Cyberhippie, on Jun 23 2004, 10:34 AM, said:

Handmaiden07, on Jun 23 2004, 03:29 PM, said:

That's offensive, CH.  You know without even being told that the inclusion of the word "white" is the difference.
I'm sorry for causing offense, and will edit the comment if you want, but it IS the natural result of allowing people to decide who they want as their perfect mate based on social criteria

Far too many people in this world consider interracial marriages wrong for a wide variety of reasons, and with this idea, they wouldn't even have to justify it any more, they could just plug their own skincolor into this program.
If that's your opinion - that the result is people choosing skin color criteria - that's fine.  But again - that isn't what was offensive, and I think you know it.  Drew asked you to not equate the KKK with Fundamentalist Christianity.    THAT was offensive.

As it turns out - there isn't any way to prevent people from making skin color choices, if you have to have physical attraction as part of the evaluation process (and I think you do).  Even if race/skin color weren't an option (and I never said it would be) - looking at and ranking a bunch of pictures will effectively eliminate any race you don't want to be married to.  AND...people make these kinds of descriminations all the time in their day to day lives, without having to justify it.  They simply say "not interested."  You can't force people to marry interracially if they don't want to!

Een Draght Mackt Maght


#26 gaius claudius

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 09:48 AM

[quote name='Handmaiden07' date='Jun 23 2004, 10:38 AM'] Cardie [/QUOTE]
The feeling that one must date before getting married is as I said, the only drawback to this process.  But I think there is a decent reason to avoid "dating."
. [/quote]
I like dating...I like seeing a variety of women :devil:
   Sure the process on the whole can be tiresome sometimes...but I really don't like any of teh alternatives listed so far..


Handmainden 07 wrote:
[quote]Having said that - the accomodation I've sometimes thought of whenever this thought has passed by my brain is a personal interview - a chance to sit across a table and simply talk about whatever, before signing off on the final approval of the match.[/quote]

Now that's just cold blooded...I admit my process may not be the most sucessful...but geez... :crazy:

I dated using online matchmaking systems before...and I'll probably try it again in future...the result was...complicated to say the least

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#27 Drew

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 09:49 AM

What I find repugnant is the assumption that fundamentalist Christians are racists.
"Someone must have slandered Josef K., for one morning, without having done anything wrong, he was arrested."

#28 QueenTiye

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 09:49 AM

Cyberhippie, on Jun 23 2004, 10:11 AM, said:

Then we're talking social matches, rather than biological matches?
Meant to ask - what would a biological match be???

Een Draght Mackt Maght


#29 Drew

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 09:52 AM

People "stick to their own types" naturally, because naturally we will be attracted to people who are like us. There's nothing unethical about it.
"Someone must have slandered Josef K., for one morning, without having done anything wrong, he was arrested."

#30 gaius claudius

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 09:56 AM

Drew, on Jun 23 2004, 10:50 AM, said:

People "stick to their own types" naturally, because naturally we will be attracted to people who are like us. There's nothing unethical about it.
I don't think that's necessarily true in the modern world...you're going to have to define what you mean by "types"...

and I hope you don't think i'm implying any rascism...I don't believe that for a second..

But at least for me...and my closest friends..we date all "types" i guess... :angel:

OK what do you mean by types


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#31 Godeskian

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 09:59 AM

Handmaiden07, on Jun 23 2004, 03:47 PM, said:

Cyberhippie, on Jun 23 2004, 10:11 AM, said:

Then we're talking social matches, rather than biological matches?
Meant to ask - what would a biological match be???
Simply a genetic matching, predicated on producing healthy offspring.

The kind of thing we do with horses to produce faster, stronger, sturdier ones.


Find two people who'se genetic composition will more than likely yield healthy, capable offspring.

Defy Gravity!


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#32 Godeskian

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 10:02 AM

Drew, on Jun 23 2004, 03:47 PM, said:

What I find repugnant is the assumption that fundamentalist Christians are racists.
Before i answer that, tell me this

does this match your definition of 'fundamentalist'

This is taken from dictionary.com, and if it doesn't, then please tell em your definition of fundamentalism.

Quote

fun·da·men·tal·ism    ( P )  Pronunciation Key  (fnd-mntl-zm)
n.
A usually religious movement or point of view characterized by a return to fundamental principles, by rigid adherence to those principles, and often by intolerance of other views and opposition to secularism.

often Fundamentalism An organized, militant Evangelical movement originating in the United States in the late 19th and early 20th century in opposition to Protestant Liberalism and secularism, insisting on the inerrancy of Scripture.


#33 Kimmer

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 10:02 AM

Drew, on Jun 23 2004, 07:47 AM, said:

What I find repugnant is the assumption that fundamentalist Christians are racists.
Which is what I find highly offensive in your comment, and yes, I would like to see you edit your comment.

#34 gaius claudius

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 10:03 AM

Cyberhippie, on Jun 23 2004, 10:57 AM, said:

Handmaiden07, on Jun 23 2004, 03:47 PM, said:

Cyberhippie, on Jun 23 2004, 10:11 AM, said:

Then we're talking social matches, rather than biological matches?
Meant to ask - what would a biological match be???
Simply a genetic matching, predicated on producing healthy offspring.

The kind of thing we do with horses to produce faster, stronger, sturdier ones.


Find two people who'se genetic composition will more than likely yield healthy, capable offspring.
How very Neitzchean  :devil:  :devil:  :lol:  :devil:




Gaius Claudius...out of  General Claudius Maximus   :devil:  :devil:
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#35 Drew

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 10:07 AM

Cyberhippie, on Jun 23 2004, 10:00 AM, said:

does this match your definition of 'fundamentalist'
No.

Never mind the fact that that definition says nothing about race, which makes your comment even more peculiar if that's the definition you use.
"Someone must have slandered Josef K., for one morning, without having done anything wrong, he was arrested."

#36 Kimmer

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 10:11 AM

To answer your poll question ... I selected your first choice. Dating, at least to me, was a time to meet different guys and make decisions on what I liked and didn't like. It was a time when I affirmed who I was, and what I wanted in a spouse. When I did meet the right guy, I knew. I appreciated him all the more. My DH has told me the same thing. We became friends before we got married and our friendship is the core of our relationship.

I think if you go into a relationship thinking along the lines of if it doesn't work, we can get a divorce - then you are sorta in trouble from the get-go. Marriage is work - sometimes it's easy, and sometimes it's the hardest work I know. LOL!


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#37 Cardie

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 10:11 AM

The fact that some white supremacist groups define themselves as Christian fundamentalists does not mean that anyone who defines themselves as Christian fundamentalists are white supremacists.  It's not a reversible concept.

You have to know that CH.

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#38 Godeskian

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 10:12 AM

edited to apologise for offense given.

Edited by Cyberhippie, 23 June 2004 - 10:54 AM.


#39 Godeskian

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 10:14 AM

edited to apologise for offense given.

Edited by Cyberhippie, 23 June 2004 - 10:54 AM.


#40 Drew

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Posted 23 June 2004 - 10:16 AM

Cyberhippie, on Jun 23 2004, 10:10 AM, said:

Quote

No.

Never mind the fact that that definition says nothing about race, which makes your comment even more peculiar if that's the definition you use

no, that's the definition in the dictionary.

You must know that "dictionary.com" is not the only dictionary, nor is any single dictionary the infallible authority on the meanings of words.

Edited by Drew, 23 June 2004 - 10:17 AM.

"Someone must have slandered Josef K., for one morning, without having done anything wrong, he was arrested."



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