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If Kerry wins

Election 2004 John Kerry Texas

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#1 Jazzer

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 07:11 AM

Just a little humor from Texas, folks... to lighten things up a bit....   :D  


Please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union (please refer to the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848).

We Texans love y'all, but we'll have to take action if Kerry wins president over Bush.  

Here is our solution:

#1: Let John Kerry become President of the United States. (all 49 states.)

#2: George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic of Texas.


So what does Texas have to survive as a Republic?

1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. (we will control the space industry.)

2. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States.

3. Defense Industry. (We have over 65% of it) The term "Don't mess with Texas," will take on a whole new meaning.

4. Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that.

5. Natural Gas - Again we have all we need and it's too bad about those northern states. John Kerry will figure a way to keep them warm, but more on that later...

6. Computer Industry - we currently lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications: Small places like Texas Instruments, Dell Computers, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel, Alcatel, Etc, Etc. The list goes on and on.

7. Health Centers - We have the largest research centers for Cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world and other large health planning centers.

8. We have enough colleges to keep us going: U.T., Texas A&M, TCU, TexasTech, Rice, SMU, University of Houston, Baylor, UNT, Texas Women's University, etc. Ivy grows better in the south anyway.

9. We have a ready supply of workers. (just open the border when we need some more)

10. We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.

11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don't have an army but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours if we need it. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over a couple of Texas Rangers.

12. We are totally self-sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs, and several types of grain, fruit, and vegetables, and let's not forget seafood from the Gulf. And everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don't need any food imported.

This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic of Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.  

Now to the rest of the United States under President Kerry:

Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Kerry will be able to drive around in his 9 mile per gallon SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes.

You won't have any TV as the space center in Houston will cut off your communications. You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes but since Mr. Kerry has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas.

Good luck,

Signed,
The People in Texas  

:whistle:
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#2 Ro-Astarte

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 11:14 AM

Well, not all the people in Texas. ;)

People's Republic of Austin might have to secede from the secession.  :p

Ro

#3 StarDust

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 11:19 AM

:lol:

Of course I'm not sure why it would be more of an issue for the 'northern' states than the rest?

#4 Happy Phantom

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 11:23 AM

:D Oh, how I love Texas.
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And if I die today I'll be the happy phantom. And I will never need umbrellas in the rain. - "Happy Phantom", Tori Amos


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#5 Robert Hewitt Wolfe

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 11:48 AM

Wouldn't it be better to just secede now, before the election?  That way you can have whatever president you want and we won't have to count your electoral college votes.  =P

Edited by Robert Hewitt Wolfe, 27 August 2004 - 11:48 AM.

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#6 Hambil

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 11:50 AM

As long as we don't have to lift a finger when Mexico takes them over, I'm for it.

#7 Davesnothome

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 11:54 AM

You might discover that folks in other parts of the country wouldn't take much notice or mind!!!  :D

Just think, we wouldn't have to listen any more to the statement that the Dallas Cowboys are 'America's team'!

It would give future little 'Bushes', all new opportunities to invade a 'foreign' country!

A Texas drawl would officially become a foreign language!!!

New Texas currency and postage stamps would give collectors a whole new opportunity!

Mexico tightens up its borders to prevent illegal Texans from crossing its borders!

Oklahoma and New Mexico get to compete to become the newest wackiest state in the USA!

A whole new country to send contestants to the Olympic games. Plus another country to get annoyed at the USA at the Olympic games!!!

Cowboy attire becomes foreign fashion for the other 49 states!

Dave

#8 Happy Phantom

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 12:14 PM

Robert Hewitt Wolfe, on Aug 27 2004, 10:46 AM, said:

Wouldn't it be better to just secede now, before the election?  That way you can have whatever president you want and we won't have to count your electoral college votes.  =P
Aww now where would be the fun in that? :p

Whether you had to or not, Hambil, you wouldn't, with Kerry as Pres.  :upside: By the time he made up his mind, we'd have won the war already.

And Dave, all I have to say to you is...  :suspect:

;)
<~~~Rebekah, Viper pilot. Callsign: "Flash"

And if I die today I'll be the happy phantom. And I will never need umbrellas in the rain. - "Happy Phantom", Tori Amos


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#9 gadfly

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 12:31 PM

Isn't it fortunate that secession would have to be voted on by the Texas congress?  Because this Texan, no matter how loyal she is to her state, wants nothing of a separate nation or I'd go join those nutcases out in West Texas who are quite serious about secession.  

Just a quiet reminder that not all Texans think a like despite what our fellow Texans might like to believe. ;)  If you want further proof check out this thread.

And Dave, those were funny - I think some of them are already true.  :lol:

Edited by gadfly, 27 August 2004 - 12:33 PM.


#10 Happy Phantom

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 12:58 PM

I know, gadfly :)

Just playing around. :upside: I'm not originally from Texas, so all this Texas pride stuff really amuses me. Although I *do* love living here
<~~~Rebekah, Viper pilot. Callsign: "Flash"

And if I die today I'll be the happy phantom. And I will never need umbrellas in the rain. - "Happy Phantom", Tori Amos


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#11 tennyson

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 01:00 PM

If you're talking about a traditional military conquest then Mexico has very little chance of doing more than annoying Texas even if all it has to go on is its national guard and some guys they drafted after indepence. The Texas Air National Guard has more combat aircraft than the entire Mexican Air Force just for starters.
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#12 Happy Phantom

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 01:18 PM

We have a lot of jokes around home (where we're close to the border) about Mexicans infiltrating and taking over that way... Simply by out numbering us. :unsure:
<~~~Rebekah, Viper pilot. Callsign: "Flash"

And if I die today I'll be the happy phantom. And I will never need umbrellas in the rain. - "Happy Phantom", Tori Amos


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#13 emsparks

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 01:28 PM

OH Hush Up!!

Or we’ll cut Alaska in half and you’ll be the third largest state.

I have three words for you, Iron-ore, Bauxite, and Coal [for coke], non of which you have. For a state that has to import all your raw materials except oil, you talk big.

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#14 Happy Phantom

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 01:35 PM

Hey, oil *is* big.

And then we can't forget The Beef. :hehe:
<~~~Rebekah, Viper pilot. Callsign: "Flash"

And if I die today I'll be the happy phantom. And I will never need umbrellas in the rain. - "Happy Phantom", Tori Amos


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#15 emsparks

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 03:50 PM

BekaMP3, on Aug 27 2004, 02:33 PM, said:

Hey, oil *is* big.

And then we can't forget The Beef. :hehe:
Oklahoma, California, and Alaska has got Oil, and Beef too.

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#16 Rhea

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 04:12 PM

Ro-Astarte, on Aug 27 2004, 08:12 AM, said:

Well, not all the people in Texas. ;)

People's Republic of Austin might have to secede from the secession.  :p

Ro
No kidding. :p

I guarantee you that there aren't as many Texans as you might think who thought Dubya was a good governor, much less a good president.  :whistle:

Hmm...does this mean I'd have to keep my passport up to date to visit family members?  :eek2:

Edited by Rhea, 27 August 2004 - 04:12 PM.

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#17 nutmeg

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 04:17 PM

We (CA) also have Ahnuld.  :) :sarcasm:

#18 HubcapDave

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 04:25 PM

nutmeg, on Aug 27 2004, 02:15 PM, said:

We (CA) also have Ahnuld.  :) :sarcasm:
Go Ahnuld! :D

#19 Happy Phantom

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 04:44 PM

Wasn't this thread was supposed to be humorous, as opposed to serious, Sparky? :) Believe me, I'll be the last one calling for a secession. But it's funny to think about.

I just think these kinds of arguments are terribly amusing, so turn serious with me and you'll lose my interest. And it kinda feels that way, so I'll see you guys around! It was fun visiting this forum.

( And go Ahnuld! :lol: )
<~~~Rebekah, Viper pilot. Callsign: "Flash"

And if I die today I'll be the happy phantom. And I will never need umbrellas in the rain. - "Happy Phantom", Tori Amos


Lee and Kara | River Tam | Simon Tam | Beka Valentine | Legolas | Charlie Eppes

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#20 Shalamar

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Posted 27 August 2004 - 08:13 PM

Another Proud Texan sounding off here...


Yes it's supposed to be humerous...

we have the hurricanes, and the tornadoes...we left the earthquakes for California, and Alaska ...

We have the Big Thicket, the Llano Estacado..and can I swap say...Seattle  for Dallas?
:p
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