Hey, G, while you're doing your "superior American, scum-sucking French" routine, why don't we destroy the Statue of Liberty? I mean, the *French* gave her to us. We don't need that. What with Homeland Security, we don't really need any symbols of liberty around. After all, liberty's evil -- note what's become of the word "liberal"? Just an evil label without any deeper meaning.
I read a great letter in the April 14, 2003 edition of THE NATION. Here 'tis...
"Don't you just love Freedom Fries? Especially with... But did you know that hamburgers are named for a city in another country that refuses to get in line and do what it's told? So let's call them Patriot Patties. Now that I think about it, we sometimes call hot dogs 'frankfurters', and that's another city in that country. How about Stars and Stripes Sausages? Can't have a good Fourth of July picnic without Patriot Patties, Stars and Stripes Sausages, and Freedom Fries.
"Oh, and Russian Dressing. We'll have to change that to Democracy Dressing. And then there's the distressing problem of Chinese food, an entire cuisine named after a country that doesn't do as it's told. We could call it Homeland Security Food. (Dang! I'm running out of alliterations!)
We have avoided one close call, however. We almost had to rename turkey. I don't think Thanksgiving would be the same with Yankee Doodle Tom, although 'Yankee Doodle Drumstick' does have a certain je ne sais quoi... Whoops! I don't know what got into me! Just a small faux pas. Whoops again!
While we're renaming things, how about that statue in New York Harbor? You know, the woman with the torch. I suggest 'the Statue of Empire.' Hey, c'est la guerre, y'all."
(Bob Blau of Austin, TX)
at the same time...
"The dew has fallen with a particularly sickening thud this morning."
- Marvin the Paranoid Android, "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy"
Rules for Surviving an Autocracy
Rule#1: Believe the Autocrat.
Rule#2: Do not be taken in by small signs of normality.
Rule#3: Institutions will not save you.
Rule#4: Be outraged.
Rule#5: Don't make compromises.
Rule#6: Remember the future.
- Masha Gessen