Then you 'n me would tussle if we worked together.
I'm okay with that, 'cuz it'd be another part in a continuing series at this point.
I went up and blessed out three people at once in management yesterday about it. I bring them their mail when it comes in (it's not part of my job description to do so; I just do it out of common courtesy) and they wanted to start locking their back door to their office. I told 'em they were probably going to have to get somebody else to start bringing them their mail, then, because that would make it way too inconvenient; to get around to their front door, I'd have to walk out into the public area ("cell phone alley") and circumnavigate this whole crowd of oblivious people and add about 50 yards to my trip, which ain't easy if you're carrying a stack of heavy boxes. They wanted to keep getting their mail, o' course, so they said, "Maybe we could get you a key!" And I just said, "Yeah, or maybe you could
grow a spine and realize that this 'security measure' amounts to nothing, and leave the back door unlocked the way you have for the last thirty years
before 'everything changed' when school-or-workplace-shooter #3,474 hit the magic lotto number o' fear!" It's ridiculous. If anybody wanted to shoot anybody, they'd just walk in that front door. It's not like there's an armed guard there or anything. I even asked them, "What's the new plan supposed to do? You get to hear the nutcase gun down the secretary and that gives you a 10-second head start?" They laughed, but I was really
being a d*ck about it. I was joking, but in a pointed way, because I've really got contempt for their "cowardice of the day." "Surely
somebody'd want to kill us
, we're important!
People around here are just plain shickenchit, and that's a fact. Every time anything
happens, these people think they're
gonna be a target. When those anthrax letters got sent out a few years ago, our managment started giving us all these new instructions about handling mail... and we're not even a likely freakin' target. Those lasted about a week before everybody started feeling silly and quit prying open packages like they were on the bomb squad or something.
And a month or two back I had to correct our CEO 'cuz she sent us all an e-mail warning us that "terrorists have bought UPS uniforms and will use them to deliver bombs!" and all this junk. I had to e-mail her and everybody else a link to Snopes to show that was an urban legend. I'm friends with those UPS guys, and it ticks me off when people get paranoid about them because they're a bunch of sheep-like rumor junkies who think they're neeeever
gonna die unless somebody kills 'em. And they're
all devout churchgoers who think they're gonna get some kinda Christmas-morning-birthday-Easter-basket all-rolled-into-one when they die, and I'm this hellbound heathen, so why are they
so terrified when I'm not? It's irksome.
I've in fact been on an email campaign to get our pitiful security improved--which has been long overdue.
If your security is bad, then go for it. The security around my workplace is ridiculous already. They have these "SWAT team drills" and junk, where you can't even park within half a mile of the building because they're war-gaming "hostage situations" and stuff. We are fully prepared to handle any hostage situation where the perpetrator has been given a script! I'm hoping that if we get rampaged on, it's by Sir Lawrence Olivier. That man is a professional who can take a cue!
After 9/11, we practiced evacuations to "safe areas." (Of course, the plans, drawn up by administration, were labyrinthine and hilariously botched. Our Keystone Kops evacuation plan could've killed Al Qaeda with laughter.)
We still do that on a regular basis. And you know what happened one time when a fire really did break out? Everybody forgot what they were supposed to do, figured it was just some drill, and assed around and didn't even leave the building. Which is exactly
what will happen in any
real even, contingency plan or otherwise. It's good to have some preparedness, but over-planning just prepares you for scripts. It's like my violent biker ex-girlfriend used to say, "I love
fighting people who know karate! You do something they haven't trained for and they shut right down!"
Still, I'm hoping that this awfulness prods someone on our campus to consider the need to have an effective lockdown plan--which we do not. And given our track record, we probably still won't have a good plan, even if someone creates one.
And if somebody creates one, it will be promptly forgotten in the chaos. Trust me. I mean, go ahead and plan it out, by all means, I want you safe as possible and around for the rest o' my life, but ya can't plan for these kind of things overmuch.
This is a horrible event, of course, but I don't think it's selfish or bovine to try to learn something from it.
Not everywhere, but it is at my workplace. These are a bunch of scared, complacent sheep who question nothing. We're a red state, remember... we vote against our own best interests, and happily pay to park.
It's human nature, and it's part of our survival instinct to want to learn from tragic occurrences. It makes sense to evaluate our colleges and workplaces in an effort to prevent and/or be able to respond effectively to a rampage shooter--and there *will* be another. These things breed copycats--and the wall-to-wall media coverage probably just increases the likelihood that some other Cho out there will be inspired to end his misery by taking as many people with him as possible. Cho himself may have been a copycat. A few months ago, an Asian student in Montreal opened fire in a community college. Some security experts have surmised that this may have inspired Cho.
And a bunch of drills will train the next shooter to learn exactly what the school or office is expecting, so they should adapt accordingly. It's futile. If coming up with plans was really all that effective, we wouldn't have so many soldiers maimed by IEDs, 'cuz they're highly trained and it still
I'm not saying don't train or plan, but people around here try to change everybody's freakin' lives every time any bad event happens... even when it makes no sense to do so. People can't go around in a state of fear over what might
happen. They need to accept that if one thing doesn't getcha something else eventually will, and take a big dose of eff-it. If nothing else, it would help me get their frickin' mail to 'em.