Diabolic Mage, on Jan 7 2009, 03:42 PM, said:
Well on that we can agree...Smoking IS bad for you. And I don't think asking a smoker not to smoke around someone is disrespectful. Someone DEMANDING it though is a different ballgame entirely.
For example: I have a Aunt, who grew up with both parents smoking....I'm not sure if she is allergic to it or not, but I know it bothers her being around smoking. Hence, when I'm around her I don't smoke. I don't smoke in her house, I go out to my car. And if she happens to be in the car, I just do not smoke. She has never, not once, said I couldn't smoke...I just don't do it when around her.
I also have two nieces, one of whom I'm Godfather to. I don't smoke around them either. And if the kids are in the car...Sucks to be me cause I will not smoke around them.
But my Grandfather had a habit of trying to order me not to smoke...Let's just say things got ugly fast when around him.
So, ignoring the kids for a moment, only meek people like your aunt (that you've somehow learned that smoke bothers her and it seems she doesn't bring it up) gets the honour/privileged of your non-smoking presence? Thats what always confused me about you in our 2nd hand smoke threads (and now 3rd hand
). You describe people who won't say anything, who get your respect, and those that 'order you' around. It makes me wonder, are these people really all ordering you, or is there some grey middle you either don't admit to or don't see?
How did you learn it bothered your aunt? It seems she didn't outright ask you to stop smoking. There could be lots of people who meet who are bothered by smoking but don't speak up, maybe you should not smoke unless other smokers are lit up, just in case
How'd you react if enTrance was your off-line friend, and asked you if you could crack a window before he and his son visits, and maybe even cease smoking while they was there? (I know he said he asked his smoking friends the former, not sure about the latter, but he did ask his father not to smoke around his son).
If you said you wouldn't, it was the middle of winter, or it was your house, or what difference did it make with all the third hand smoke
would you be offended if he decided that he couldn't come over, and that if you guys were to meet in person and hang out it would have to be either at his own house where no smoking was allowed, or in some neutral non-smoking place? Does that seem like ordering, since he has stated he wouldn't come over without those concessions on your part? Would it make a difference if he or the kid was allergic and/or had asthma?
Where is the middle gray ground, for you, on this issue LOTS? I could see you having an issue with a passive aggressive approach too, someone complaining (and not too subtly
) about how s/he doesn't like smoke fumes or they get headaches or something but not asking you outright directly either. If someone asks you to kindly but out, and you want to finish your smoke you just started (say they just don't like the smell, no allergy or lung issues and its neutral place, not either's 'territory') who should kindly leave?
Edited by sierraleone, 08 January 2009 - 11:54 AM.