Not only will this one take a little explaining, but it could be a sore spot for people who hate anime dubbing. You have been warned.
A few days ago, in the Facebook page for voice actress Monica Rial's fan page, there was posted a pictuer of Monica Rial holding a drawing of many of her characters with "Hello Kitty" ribbons in their hair, and the label "Hello, Monica." That got me wondering if I could do a crossover between Burst Angel and Hello Kitty.
I came up with this. It may not be a proper crossover, but I hope you think it is funny. And so...
TITLE: Kitty Kornered
SYNOPSIS: Takane has strong opinions about Hello Kitty that may be better left unsaid
WARNING: You want to put down food and drink in case you think this is funny.
DISCLAIMER: Burst Angel is owned by Gonzo; Hello Kitty is owned by Sanrio. I am making no money off this fic.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: I tried to research parking at or near Tokyo Station – yes, that is the name of it – and found nothing. But Burst Angel takes place in 2050. So if there isn’t a parking garage there now, they have 36 years to build one. (Unless you are reading this in 2050.) This story was inspired by a picture on the Facebook page of Monica Rial’s fan club in June of 2014, where she holds a drawing of many of her characters, including Jo, with “Hello Kitty” ribbons in their hair.
When Takane and Kyohei got to the parking spot in the Tokyo Station parking garage where Kyo had left Sei’s sports coupe, Takane stopped her non-stop commentary long enough to laugh her head off.
“What’s so funny?” Kyo asked.
“No-nothing,” Takane drawled. “Nothing at all. Sei sends her chef in her car to pick me up, nothin’ funny about that, and nothin’ funny goin’ on, either, if you catch my meaning.”
“Takane, Sei let me use her car because--”
“I understand, Kyo. You have to keep up appearances. Can’t let the whole world know that the Princess of the Bailan Triad is knockin’ boots with the hired help, although I can’t blame you for it. Got you swimin’ in cream, doesn’t it, boy? And it helps that you can cook.”
Kyo rolled his eyes but said nothing as he dropped Takane’s duffel bag into the trunk.
“So, what were you saying, Kyo?”
“I was saying, Takane, that Sei let me use her car because we have to make a stop at Leo’s to pick something up…”
When they got to Leo’s shop, Takane decided to stay in the car and lean the seat back. As much as she wanted to see Leo, she was exhausted. She had worked two nightmarish shifts back-to-back with Osaka P. D. before getting on the train to Tokyo. She welcomed the chance to rest.
She had almost dozed off when someone rapped on the window. Takane rolled it down.
It was Kyohei. “Takane, you have to ride in the back.”
“Huh? Whu--? Ok.”
Takane got out of the coupe, pushed the passenger seat back forward, and climbed in the back. She had just settled onto the back seat when she saw what was standing next to Kyo’s leg: A sixty centimeter tall, chubby biped with white fur, a pair of overalls, and a red ribbon around one cat-like ear on her oval shaped head.
Takane’s jaw dropped. “Don’t tell me that’s a Hello Kitty robot.”
“It’s a Hello Kitty robot,” Kyo said, “and she rides up front.”
Takane flopped into the seat and strapped herself in. “Talk about the rich and their eccentricities,” she grumbled.
Kitty climbed onto the seat and peaked between the front seats. “Oh, hello,” she said in a high, girlish voice.
Takane looked away and lifted her nose up. “I will not acknowledge its presence.”
“Don’t take it personally, Kitty,” Kyo said. “She’s just a little cranky after her long trip.”
“Oh, all right, Kyo.”
Kitty turned around and sat on the seat. Kyo strapped the little robot in. He’d backed out of the door just as Leo came over to the car.
“Hey, Takane!” he said, sticking his head in the door as Kyo went around to the driver’s side. “Wish I had more time. Kyo, take it easy with Kitty. She’s good as new – better than new. But watch the bumps. Or you-know-who will be pissed, and you wouldn’t want that.”
“No, Leo,” Kyo shuddered as he got behind the wheel and strapped himself in.
Kitty looked up at Leo. “You don’t smell good,” she lamented. “And you didn’t install factory parts.”
Leo focused on the robot. “The parts I installed are better. And I doubled your memory, increased your processor speed, and made you impervious to anything smaller than a rocket propelled grenade. So you could show a little appreciation.”
“You’re right, Leo. I’m sorry. Thank you for the work you did on me.”
“You’re welcome, Kitty.”
“You should stop smoking, though.”
Leo smiled. “Everyone’s a critic. Kyo, give Her Royal Highness a kiss for me.” He slammed the door and thumped on the roof. Kyo guided the sports car out into traffic.
“Unbelievable,” Takane groused, “absolutely unbelievable. And I thought Sei was level-headed. But to have you pick up her robot AND give it the five-star chauffeur treatment…I guess when you’re that rich, you can indulge your every whim, no matter how crazy it is.”
“Takane,” Kyo said, “Kitty doesn’t belong to Sei. She belongs to--”
“Now, Kyo,” Takane said, “no need to cover for her. I understand. She is your boss…and maybe a ‘friend’… and you’re indulging her. I understand your situation completely. And in principle, I wouldn’t mind. But Hello Kitty of all things? Why the hail did it have to be that? When we get to the trailer, I’m going to give Sei a piece of my mind.”
Kitty turned her head slightly. “You don’t like me?” she asked.
“No, I don’t--” Takane started, “—I can’t believe I am having this conversation—but no, ‘Kitty,’ I don’t like you or the whole sick Hello Kitty franchise.”
“Why not?” the robot pressed.
“‘Why not?’” Takane mimicked. “You want to know why not? All right, you fur-covered pile of second-hand junk, I’ll tell you why not…”
As a life-long resident of Tokyo, Kyo had long accepted the inevitability of traffic jams in any automobile journey around the city, and normally wouldn’t have been bothered by the congestion he encountered on the drive back to the trailer. But Takane’s rant against Hello Kitty and anyone and anything related to it in any way made the trip feel interminable. Neither Kyo nor Kitty could get a word in edgewise, particularly when question of Kitty’s ownership came up.
When they got to the trailer, Kitty lead the way up the steps. Sei, Amy and Meg were in the kitchen area.
“Hey, Sei,” Takane said as brought up the rear into the trailer. “We got your ‘toy’ back.”
Sei frowned. “What?”
Kitty waddled past the other girls and stopped in the middle of the living area. “Jo?” she called. “I’m back.”
Takane’s eyes widened as she stared at the little robot and some of the color drained from her face.
Jo came out of her and Meg’s room, dressed in her orange night shirt, a slight smile on her face. “Hey, Kitty,” she said, crouching in front of the robot. “How do you feel?”
“I feel fine, Jo. Leo did a good job. But he smokes too much.”
“Well, I’ll mention it to him next time I see him.” Jo stood. “Hey, Takane. How was your trip?”
Kitty wheeled around to face Takane. “Jo, Takane has something she wants to tell you.”
“Really?” Jo said. “What?”
“Uh…” Takane stammered. “It’s—uh—I mean—uh—you know---um, well, -- it’s not that important—it can wait.”
Jo frowned a little. “Ok. C’mon, Kitty.”
Jo turned and headed back to her room, Kitty waddling after her.
Takane stammered, “J-J-J-J-Jo? She’s the Hello Kitty fan?”
“Yeah,” Meg said, “who’d’ve thought it? But she’s crazy about Hello Kitty. The only thing bigger than her collection of zombie movies is her collection of Hello Kitty videos. She even writes Hello Kitty fan fiction and once asked me if I wanted to cosplay--” Meb broke off, scrutinized Takane, then went on: “Takane, are you feeling all right? You look a little pale.”
“I,uh…I have to go the bathroom.” She scooted past Meg and headed for the john as fast as she could without the running.
After the door bathroom door had shut, Meg said, “Let me guess, Kyo: Takane has ‘strong opinions’ about Hello Kitty.”
“She does, Meg, though I have a hunch she’s going to keep them to herself from now on.”
Kitty Kornered (Burst Angel x Hello Kitty)
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