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In "What will be was not," there were a couple of scenes where Harper seems to be doting on Andromeda: first by trying to reassure the starship that Beka didn't mean something she said, and then by wanting her to "be included" in their search for Dylan and Doyle.
This renews a question I raised years ago: With Harper being so "attentive" to his favorite High Guard starship, will Andromeda end up spoiled rotten? Or will Harper end up wrapped around Andromeda's little finger? (Metaphorically speaking, of course.)
Answer with a fic -- before New Year's 2006 if possible, PLEASE!
Mike
Spoiled Rommie? Or manipulated Harper? An old challenge is new again.
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#2
- Taking back control
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Posted 02 January 2005 - 07:12 AM
Oh, that sound like a great idea, wish id seen the ep your talking about, I shall give it a go anway.
Wait...you say before new year 2006? Humm, No promises i'll try, but still not finished the last 3 challanges I started.
I shall very much look forward to reading other peoples respones, this sounds like it could spurn some great fics. Get writting everybody.
Wait...you say before new year 2006? Humm, No promises i'll try, but still not finished the last 3 challanges I started.
I shall very much look forward to reading other peoples respones, this sounds like it could spurn some great fics. Get writting everybody.
AKA Rommie's Voice
Come Tweet with me! AscendantAngel you know you want to.
Come Tweet with me! AscendantAngel you know you want to.
#3
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Posted 07 January 2005 - 12:45 AM
^^ You heard her, get writing! And to spur things on, I have my own answer. BUT I DON'T WANT IT TO BE THE ONLY ONE! Got it?
Ok, here it is!
====
TITLE: Intervention is Heck
AUTHOR: Michael J. Gallagher/MikeJaffa/MikeJoe
SUBJECT: Answer to my new Spoiled Rommie challenge (though not the only one I hope to see!)
SETTING S5 around the time of “What Will Be Was Not”
DISCLAIMER: I own neither ANDROMEDA nor its characters and am making money off this
WARNING: My silly muse is on another rampage. Put down the food and beverage while you read this.
NOTE: Rhade was going to be the original .... victom .... but I saw a challenge for Beka fics and figured out a way to make it work with her.
====
Harper smiled as he took a rag and wiped the control panel in the *Andromeda Ascendant’s* slipstream core. For the first time in the three years since he’d arrived in the Seefra system, he felt like his old self.
“There you are, my pretty little starship,” he said, relishing the moment. “I, Seamus Zelazny Harper, your engineer and resident genius, pronounce you in possession of a fully functional slipstream drive.”
Andromeda’s hologram appeared next to Harper, evidently pleased even if she wasn’t smiling as broadly. “It is gratifying to have a fully functional propulsion system again, although I’m constrained to point out that unless we can find a slipstream portal, my slipstream drive is useless.”
“Don’t remind me,” Harper groaned, “but hey, Dylan’s like God, right? So sooner or later, he’ll probably find you a way out of here.”
Andromeda frowned a little. “You mean ‘us,’ right?”
“Uh ……”
“Harper ….” Andromeda’s voice almost shook a tiny bit. “Look, this isn’t quite like me, to admit something like this, but the fact is that I’ve missed you. ALL of you. I’m not sure how long I was stranded in the Seefra system before I was found again, but being without my crew was….unpleasant. I don’t ….. I hope that when we find a way out of Seefra, I won’t be separated from you again.”
Harper smiled. “Hey, don’t worry about it, baby,” he said reassuringly. “Of course you’re not leaving without me. Who’s going to keep you running? And I’ve stuck with you so far since we found you again, right?”
Andromeda smiled a little. “Yes, Harper, you have.”
“Then don’t worry about it, Andromeda. There’s no way my favoritest starship is leaving Seefra without her certified genius engineer. So put that thought out of your pretty little processor.”
“All right, Harper, I will. And thank--”
“’Pretty little processor’?” Beka Valentine said incredulously as she entered the room with Dylan. “I heard you down the hall. “’Baby’? ‘Prettiest starship’? What next, ‘snookums’?”
Harper knit his eyebrows together. “What’s wrong with ‘snookums’?”
“Aaaarrrhhhh!” Beka cried, grabbing her hair and stomping around. Then she turned back to Harper. “Ok. That’s it. That’s enough. This ends NOW. Harper, I can not believe you have backslid so far. Whatever else you did in the three years you were here, at least you stood on your own two feet. That’s right. That’s what we all have to do, really. SOMEBODY got us away from that, and we have to get back to it, and fawning over Andromeda isn’t the way to do it. Whatever is waiting for us back in our Universe, if we ever get back there, we have to face it on our own two feet, and not rely on Captain Wonderful and his Super Ship!”
“Um….” Dylan “Captain Wonderful” Hunt tried to interject, “you do know I’m in the--”
“And do you honestly think you’re doing Andromeda any good?” Beka ranted on, apparently not aware that Dylan was in the room. “She’s a warship for crying out loud. That means she’s a fighter, a scraper. If we want to get her back on her metaphorical feet, coddling her and talking baby talk to her isn’t going to do it, not unless you want to produce the multiverse’s biggest spoiled brat!”
Dylan saw where this was going and got a very uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. “Uh…” he said, “are you sure -- I mean, Beka, is it really wise to---”
“Well, there’s nothing else for it,” Beka said. “Andromeda! Am I still on record as your first officer?”
“Yes,” the hologram said a little petulantly.
“Then in my capacity as your fist officer -- and Harper’s captain long before we rescued from the black hole---I am banning Harper from your decks for a week.”
“WHAT!?” Harper and Andromeda yelped. Dylan looked around, rubbing his face and wondering why there couldn’t be a Magog attack when you needed one.
“Beka---” Harper stammered, “that’s not--I mean---”
“Beka,” Andromeda said, “I must protest this----”
“No arguments from either one of ya!” Beka shouted. “This is for your own good. You’ll thank me later.” Then she remembered Dylan existed. “Unless O Captain My Captain is going to override my order.”
“Uhhhhh….” Dylan squirmed the squirm one squirms in God’s little acre, east of the rock and west of the hard place. “Well, uh, you have raised some important issues, yes, you have. But do you really think such draconian measures are necessary? Uh, Harper’s done for the day, right, Mr. Harper?”
“Well,” Harper said, “I got the big stuff done, sure, but I still have to--”
“But nothing urgent, right?”
“No, not really.”
Dylan hoped the expression he put on his face looked like a smile. “Well, then I don’t see a problem. You and Harper can leave and go back to Seefra One. Then tomorrow, we can meet at Harper’s bar and ….discuss your concerns in a civilized matter. And if …..some procedures have to be changed, we can do that then. Ok?”
Arms folded, Beka regarded Dylan through narrowed eyes. But she relented. A little. “All right. Andromeda, I rescind my previous order provided Harper leaves with me on the *Maru* NOW. Seamus? Meter’s running.” Andromeda’s hologram vanished as Beka left the room. Dylan crossed to the control panel and leaned on it, letting out the breath he’d been holding.
“Gee….” Harper said. “Thanks Dylan. I don’t think I ….I mean, a week---?”
“Don’t thank me yet, Mr. Harper. We still have to sort this out, and Beka’s not going to make it easy in that mood. I just bought some time. Now you’d better get going.”
Harper smiled. “Thanks, Dylan. ‘Bye Andromeda; see ya, Babe!” He blew the room a kiss, then turned and left.
“Upload completed,” Andromeda’s voice said.
Dylan straightened up as that feeling in his stomach came back. “’Upload’? Andromeda, what did you upload, and to where?”
A monitor lit up. Dylan read it. Then groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s never easy, and Andromeda, for the record, this isn’t helping.”
….THE NEXT DAY AT HARPER’S BAR……
Dylan turned on his bar stool at the sound of the bar’s door opening and rested his chin on one hand as he watched, almost detached, as Beka marched into the room. For her part, Beka strode with purpose and outrage driving her, her glare, worthy of any Nietzschean Alpha, threatening death and/or dismemberment to anyone who looked at her funny in even the smallest way. Most of the patrons were smart enough to look away, but they had to struggle mightily to suppress their giggles. Understandable since Beka’s hair had poofed out into an iridescent multi-colored afro.
Two of the bar’s patrons couldn‘t resist the temptation to tease the ticked off freighter captain. “Oh, Beka,” Trance called from a table where she was sitting with Doyle, “I love your hair! Who did it for you?”
“Yes,” Doyle said, “is that the new style? I’ll have to have Harper program it into me.”
Beka spared them a growl but otherwise ignored them. Dylan almost looked bored as Beka stomped over to him and put one finger in his face, her jaw working as if she was about to say something.
“I tried to warn you,” Dylan said, “but you didn’t listen. And you’ll be pleased to know that Andromeda has given her word that the virus she loaded into your hair’s nanobots will delete itself ‘in due course.’”
Beka glared at Dylan for a few more seconds. Then she reached up, grabbed her pointing hand and forced it down to her side. Then she reached up and pushed her own jaw shut.
Then she straightened up and managed to compose herself. A LITTLE.
“Things are worse than I thought,” she said. “I’ll have to think about how to handle the intervention. In the mean time, you can tell Andromeda from me that she’s despicable.”
“Um, yes, Beka, I’ll remember to do that.”
Beka spun on her heel and headed for the door. Rhade was unlucky enough to enter just as she got to the entrance.
“Hi, Beka!” the big Nietzschean said. “How’re you doing? There’s something different about you. Is that a new scarf?”
Beka sent Rhade sprawling with one shove and left.
Rhade sat up. “Owwww! What a time to be on the wagon. I wouldn’t have felt this if I wasn’t sober. Ouch!”
Dylan turned back to the shot in front of him. “And they said I was crazy to reform the Commonwealth?” He downed his drink. “This proves it -- the three of me were the sanest ones on that tub. And days like this, I’m not so sure about the tub.”
THE END
Ok, here it is!
====
TITLE: Intervention is Heck
AUTHOR: Michael J. Gallagher/MikeJaffa/MikeJoe
SUBJECT: Answer to my new Spoiled Rommie challenge (though not the only one I hope to see!)
SETTING S5 around the time of “What Will Be Was Not”
DISCLAIMER: I own neither ANDROMEDA nor its characters and am making money off this
WARNING: My silly muse is on another rampage. Put down the food and beverage while you read this.
NOTE: Rhade was going to be the original .... victom .... but I saw a challenge for Beka fics and figured out a way to make it work with her.
====
Harper smiled as he took a rag and wiped the control panel in the *Andromeda Ascendant’s* slipstream core. For the first time in the three years since he’d arrived in the Seefra system, he felt like his old self.
“There you are, my pretty little starship,” he said, relishing the moment. “I, Seamus Zelazny Harper, your engineer and resident genius, pronounce you in possession of a fully functional slipstream drive.”
Andromeda’s hologram appeared next to Harper, evidently pleased even if she wasn’t smiling as broadly. “It is gratifying to have a fully functional propulsion system again, although I’m constrained to point out that unless we can find a slipstream portal, my slipstream drive is useless.”
“Don’t remind me,” Harper groaned, “but hey, Dylan’s like God, right? So sooner or later, he’ll probably find you a way out of here.”
Andromeda frowned a little. “You mean ‘us,’ right?”
“Uh ……”
“Harper ….” Andromeda’s voice almost shook a tiny bit. “Look, this isn’t quite like me, to admit something like this, but the fact is that I’ve missed you. ALL of you. I’m not sure how long I was stranded in the Seefra system before I was found again, but being without my crew was….unpleasant. I don’t ….. I hope that when we find a way out of Seefra, I won’t be separated from you again.”
Harper smiled. “Hey, don’t worry about it, baby,” he said reassuringly. “Of course you’re not leaving without me. Who’s going to keep you running? And I’ve stuck with you so far since we found you again, right?”
Andromeda smiled a little. “Yes, Harper, you have.”
“Then don’t worry about it, Andromeda. There’s no way my favoritest starship is leaving Seefra without her certified genius engineer. So put that thought out of your pretty little processor.”
“All right, Harper, I will. And thank--”
“’Pretty little processor’?” Beka Valentine said incredulously as she entered the room with Dylan. “I heard you down the hall. “’Baby’? ‘Prettiest starship’? What next, ‘snookums’?”
Harper knit his eyebrows together. “What’s wrong with ‘snookums’?”
“Aaaarrrhhhh!” Beka cried, grabbing her hair and stomping around. Then she turned back to Harper. “Ok. That’s it. That’s enough. This ends NOW. Harper, I can not believe you have backslid so far. Whatever else you did in the three years you were here, at least you stood on your own two feet. That’s right. That’s what we all have to do, really. SOMEBODY got us away from that, and we have to get back to it, and fawning over Andromeda isn’t the way to do it. Whatever is waiting for us back in our Universe, if we ever get back there, we have to face it on our own two feet, and not rely on Captain Wonderful and his Super Ship!”
“Um….” Dylan “Captain Wonderful” Hunt tried to interject, “you do know I’m in the--”
“And do you honestly think you’re doing Andromeda any good?” Beka ranted on, apparently not aware that Dylan was in the room. “She’s a warship for crying out loud. That means she’s a fighter, a scraper. If we want to get her back on her metaphorical feet, coddling her and talking baby talk to her isn’t going to do it, not unless you want to produce the multiverse’s biggest spoiled brat!”
Dylan saw where this was going and got a very uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. “Uh…” he said, “are you sure -- I mean, Beka, is it really wise to---”
“Well, there’s nothing else for it,” Beka said. “Andromeda! Am I still on record as your first officer?”
“Yes,” the hologram said a little petulantly.
“Then in my capacity as your fist officer -- and Harper’s captain long before we rescued from the black hole---I am banning Harper from your decks for a week.”
“WHAT!?” Harper and Andromeda yelped. Dylan looked around, rubbing his face and wondering why there couldn’t be a Magog attack when you needed one.
“Beka---” Harper stammered, “that’s not--I mean---”
“Beka,” Andromeda said, “I must protest this----”
“No arguments from either one of ya!” Beka shouted. “This is for your own good. You’ll thank me later.” Then she remembered Dylan existed. “Unless O Captain My Captain is going to override my order.”
“Uhhhhh….” Dylan squirmed the squirm one squirms in God’s little acre, east of the rock and west of the hard place. “Well, uh, you have raised some important issues, yes, you have. But do you really think such draconian measures are necessary? Uh, Harper’s done for the day, right, Mr. Harper?”
“Well,” Harper said, “I got the big stuff done, sure, but I still have to--”
“But nothing urgent, right?”
“No, not really.”
Dylan hoped the expression he put on his face looked like a smile. “Well, then I don’t see a problem. You and Harper can leave and go back to Seefra One. Then tomorrow, we can meet at Harper’s bar and ….discuss your concerns in a civilized matter. And if …..some procedures have to be changed, we can do that then. Ok?”
Arms folded, Beka regarded Dylan through narrowed eyes. But she relented. A little. “All right. Andromeda, I rescind my previous order provided Harper leaves with me on the *Maru* NOW. Seamus? Meter’s running.” Andromeda’s hologram vanished as Beka left the room. Dylan crossed to the control panel and leaned on it, letting out the breath he’d been holding.
“Gee….” Harper said. “Thanks Dylan. I don’t think I ….I mean, a week---?”
“Don’t thank me yet, Mr. Harper. We still have to sort this out, and Beka’s not going to make it easy in that mood. I just bought some time. Now you’d better get going.”
Harper smiled. “Thanks, Dylan. ‘Bye Andromeda; see ya, Babe!” He blew the room a kiss, then turned and left.
“Upload completed,” Andromeda’s voice said.
Dylan straightened up as that feeling in his stomach came back. “’Upload’? Andromeda, what did you upload, and to where?”
A monitor lit up. Dylan read it. Then groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s never easy, and Andromeda, for the record, this isn’t helping.”
….THE NEXT DAY AT HARPER’S BAR……
Dylan turned on his bar stool at the sound of the bar’s door opening and rested his chin on one hand as he watched, almost detached, as Beka marched into the room. For her part, Beka strode with purpose and outrage driving her, her glare, worthy of any Nietzschean Alpha, threatening death and/or dismemberment to anyone who looked at her funny in even the smallest way. Most of the patrons were smart enough to look away, but they had to struggle mightily to suppress their giggles. Understandable since Beka’s hair had poofed out into an iridescent multi-colored afro.
Two of the bar’s patrons couldn‘t resist the temptation to tease the ticked off freighter captain. “Oh, Beka,” Trance called from a table where she was sitting with Doyle, “I love your hair! Who did it for you?”
“Yes,” Doyle said, “is that the new style? I’ll have to have Harper program it into me.”
Beka spared them a growl but otherwise ignored them. Dylan almost looked bored as Beka stomped over to him and put one finger in his face, her jaw working as if she was about to say something.
“I tried to warn you,” Dylan said, “but you didn’t listen. And you’ll be pleased to know that Andromeda has given her word that the virus she loaded into your hair’s nanobots will delete itself ‘in due course.’”
Beka glared at Dylan for a few more seconds. Then she reached up, grabbed her pointing hand and forced it down to her side. Then she reached up and pushed her own jaw shut.
Then she straightened up and managed to compose herself. A LITTLE.
“Things are worse than I thought,” she said. “I’ll have to think about how to handle the intervention. In the mean time, you can tell Andromeda from me that she’s despicable.”
“Um, yes, Beka, I’ll remember to do that.”
Beka spun on her heel and headed for the door. Rhade was unlucky enough to enter just as she got to the entrance.
“Hi, Beka!” the big Nietzschean said. “How’re you doing? There’s something different about you. Is that a new scarf?”
Beka sent Rhade sprawling with one shove and left.
Rhade sat up. “Owwww! What a time to be on the wagon. I wouldn’t have felt this if I wasn’t sober. Ouch!”
Dylan turned back to the shot in front of him. “And they said I was crazy to reform the Commonwealth?” He downed his drink. “This proves it -- the three of me were the sanest ones on that tub. And days like this, I’m not so sure about the tub.”
THE END
#5
- Fallen... and I can't get up
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Posted 07 January 2005 - 01:11 AM
This is a terrific fic. So funny!!
I think I'll try to write one myself, a short one (though I have yet to succeed at writing a one-shot fanfic, I'll do my best.) I was thinking of maybe writing about Doyle being jealous. Might take me some time to get it figured out...
I think I'll try to write one myself, a short one (though I have yet to succeed at writing a one-shot fanfic, I'll do my best.) I was thinking of maybe writing about Doyle being jealous. Might take me some time to get it figured out...
#6
- Chasing nuns out in the yard
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Posted 07 January 2005 - 01:19 AM
!!!!!! It's 12 midnight here and I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing and that didn't quite work so well...lol! I hope I didn't wake anyone up 
This post has been edited by BekaMP3: 07 January 2005 - 01:20 AM
<~~~Rebekah, Viper pilot. Callsign: "Flash"
And if I die today I'll be the happy phantom. And I will never need umbrellas in the rain. - "Happy Phantom", Tori Amos
Lee and Kara | River Tam | Simon Tam | Beka Valentine | Legolas | Charlie Eppes
Formerly BekaMP3
And if I die today I'll be the happy phantom. And I will never need umbrellas in the rain. - "Happy Phantom", Tori Amos
Lee and Kara | River Tam | Simon Tam | Beka Valentine | Legolas | Charlie Eppes
Formerly BekaMP3
#7
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Posted 07 January 2005 - 01:58 AM
Snow Angel, on Jan 7 2005, 06:11 AM, said:
This is a terrific fic. So funny!!
I think I'll try to write one myself, a short one (though I have yet to succeed at writing a one-shot fanfic, I'll do my best.) I was thinking of maybe writing about Doyle being jealous. Might take me some time to get it figured out...
I think I'll try to write one myself, a short one (though I have yet to succeed at writing a one-shot fanfic, I'll do my best.) I was thinking of maybe writing about Doyle being jealous. Might take me some time to get it figured out...
Glad you guys liked it!
As to Doyle being jealous .... well, maybe. After all, she's basically a new body Harper built for Rommie's programming and then gave a new identity so she wouldn't go chasing after Dylan. IOW, at her core, she is an aspect of the Andromeda's AI even if her persona is different. So would she be jealous? Or would she and Andromeda learn to share their teddy bea -- I mean their engineer?
Just a thought. (You don't see any bunnies bouncing around, do you?)
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Posted 07 January 2005 - 02:53 AM
I can't remember where I read it. probably The Command Deck, but there was a short little story about what happened when Harper went on leave and the rest of the crew had to maintain Andromeda. She was one very spoiled lady and expected the rest of the crew to pamper her the way Harper did. It was very funny but I like this one better.
#9
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Posted 07 January 2005 - 09:52 AM
mizor, on Jan 7 2005, 07:53 AM, said:
I can't remember where I read it. probably The Command Deck, but there was a short little story about what happened when Harper went on leave and the rest of the crew had to maintain Andromeda. She was one very spoiled lady and expected the rest of the crew to pamper her the way Harper did. It was very funny but I like this one better.
I know the story you mean: It's "Harper's Girl" by ElJay. Here is the link to its page on The Command Deck (which, I note, has not been edited since August. Meeeerrrrrrrrrrrkkkkkkkkkk!):
http://www.thecomman...HarpersGirl.htm
This story was a response to the last time I issued this challenge. However, I expect NEW answers this time. I'm serious! I'm not going to let this challenge go unaswered the way others have; I'll be cracking the whip this time! So get typing!
#10
- Taking back control
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Posted 07 January 2005 - 10:37 AM
Oh I almost missed your story, glad I diddnt coz I have tears of laughter falling down my face now.(RV falls of bed laughing)
I promissed you a fic, and it will come. I never said when though
I promissed you a fic, and it will come. I never said when though
This post has been edited by Rommie's voice: 07 January 2005 - 10:37 AM
AKA Rommie's Voice
Come Tweet with me! AscendantAngel you know you want to.
Come Tweet with me! AscendantAngel you know you want to.
#12
- Even Harper has bad days
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Posted 07 January 2005 - 04:43 PM
Gah stop throwing plot bunnies at me! Ya know I can't resist. OK, part 1.
Title: Stand-in
Author: Me
Disclaimer: Don't own it yadayadayada...
Rating: PG-13
‘Holiday?’ Dylan asked incredulously. Harper shuffled his feet and found an interesting piece of floor to concentrate on.
‘Um… I mean it’s just for a few days… and… well… I could use a break…’ he mumbled, his voice trailing away and his eyes locked solidly on the floor.
‘For the Divine’s sake, Harper, I’m not a slave driver! I’ve no problem with you wanting to take a few days off. Of course if you feel you need a break then you might want to consult Rommie first. You know there’s that glitch in the slipstream drive and a few of the bots need upgrading…’
Harper gave a thin, humourless smile. ‘Right… sorry. I’ll just get back to work then. No rest for the wicked, huh?’ He turned to go but Dylan called him back.
‘Harper wait,’ he kneaded his forehead, then looked up thoughtfully at his engineer. Dylan lived for this ship. It was his home, he was Captain, there was a bond between him and the Andromeda. Up until now he had never really noticed the same bond between his ship and someone else. But… Harper spent half his time – no, practically all his time – fixing and upgrading and inspecting and running overhauls… he breathed the Andromeda. And part of his constantly doting on the ship meant that the Andromeda was apt to sometimes take him for granted, if it was possible for a machine to do such a thing. Harper wasn’t just an engineer fixing a ship; he was a ship’s engineer. And that sounded wrong somehow, like he was owned. Finally, Dylan made a decision.
‘Harper!’ he said sternly. ‘I order you to take a holiday. No bar, no fixing, no work at all!’
‘Now why didn’t I think of that?’ Harper said happily. ‘Way to come up with a way to get me off work, boss. But…’ his face clouded over with guilt and worry. ‘The slipstream… Rommie… nah, maybe it can wait. I mean, I can have a holiday any time but if the work onboard falls behind…’
‘HARPER!’ Dylan cried exasperatedly. ‘Go look up ‘order’ in the dictionary! You do not have a choice in this! I can find a temporary engineer to look after the Andromeda for a couple of days… though it’ll cost me a bit more than your fee.’ Which is zero, he reminded himself. ‘So… why the sudden urge to take a vacation?’ he said, his interest suddenly piqued.
Harper grinned slyly. ‘Oh, an old friend showed up at the bar yesterday.’
Dylan’s eyebrows hit the roof. ‘Old friend…?’ he didn’t get any further.
‘Deirdre!’ he cried excitedly. ‘Can’t believe she remembers me! Well, I’m kinda hard to forget, but you know… she still doesn’t speak a word of Common, but I taught her a couple!’
‘Love God?’ a voice with a heavy Irish lilt called hesitantly from the doorway. Dylan looked over Harper’s shoulder at a short pretty woman with mousy hair pulled into tight bunches.
‘Dylan, meet Kathleen!’ Harper said proudly, pulling her to his side. ‘We met years ago on a drift-rock when Beka and me were collecting some cargo. Right before that nasty business with the Perseid and the guy who tried to pull my head off. Anyway, if you’re sure… I guess we’re going surfing, babe!’
‘Sexy fun?’ Deirdre asked hopefully.
‘Ahahaha… right we’re off!’ Harper said hurriedly, and half-dragged his Gaelic girlfriend out of the door. Dylan watched them go and sighed. Now he would have to find a replacement for Harper.
***
Once again, bad bad people for getting me started.
Edited because I'm terrible with names!
Title: Stand-in
Author: Me
Disclaimer: Don't own it yadayadayada...
Rating: PG-13
‘Holiday?’ Dylan asked incredulously. Harper shuffled his feet and found an interesting piece of floor to concentrate on.
‘Um… I mean it’s just for a few days… and… well… I could use a break…’ he mumbled, his voice trailing away and his eyes locked solidly on the floor.
‘For the Divine’s sake, Harper, I’m not a slave driver! I’ve no problem with you wanting to take a few days off. Of course if you feel you need a break then you might want to consult Rommie first. You know there’s that glitch in the slipstream drive and a few of the bots need upgrading…’
Harper gave a thin, humourless smile. ‘Right… sorry. I’ll just get back to work then. No rest for the wicked, huh?’ He turned to go but Dylan called him back.
‘Harper wait,’ he kneaded his forehead, then looked up thoughtfully at his engineer. Dylan lived for this ship. It was his home, he was Captain, there was a bond between him and the Andromeda. Up until now he had never really noticed the same bond between his ship and someone else. But… Harper spent half his time – no, practically all his time – fixing and upgrading and inspecting and running overhauls… he breathed the Andromeda. And part of his constantly doting on the ship meant that the Andromeda was apt to sometimes take him for granted, if it was possible for a machine to do such a thing. Harper wasn’t just an engineer fixing a ship; he was a ship’s engineer. And that sounded wrong somehow, like he was owned. Finally, Dylan made a decision.
‘Harper!’ he said sternly. ‘I order you to take a holiday. No bar, no fixing, no work at all!’
‘Now why didn’t I think of that?’ Harper said happily. ‘Way to come up with a way to get me off work, boss. But…’ his face clouded over with guilt and worry. ‘The slipstream… Rommie… nah, maybe it can wait. I mean, I can have a holiday any time but if the work onboard falls behind…’
‘HARPER!’ Dylan cried exasperatedly. ‘Go look up ‘order’ in the dictionary! You do not have a choice in this! I can find a temporary engineer to look after the Andromeda for a couple of days… though it’ll cost me a bit more than your fee.’ Which is zero, he reminded himself. ‘So… why the sudden urge to take a vacation?’ he said, his interest suddenly piqued.
Harper grinned slyly. ‘Oh, an old friend showed up at the bar yesterday.’
Dylan’s eyebrows hit the roof. ‘Old friend…?’ he didn’t get any further.
‘Deirdre!’ he cried excitedly. ‘Can’t believe she remembers me! Well, I’m kinda hard to forget, but you know… she still doesn’t speak a word of Common, but I taught her a couple!’
‘Love God?’ a voice with a heavy Irish lilt called hesitantly from the doorway. Dylan looked over Harper’s shoulder at a short pretty woman with mousy hair pulled into tight bunches.
‘Dylan, meet Kathleen!’ Harper said proudly, pulling her to his side. ‘We met years ago on a drift-rock when Beka and me were collecting some cargo. Right before that nasty business with the Perseid and the guy who tried to pull my head off. Anyway, if you’re sure… I guess we’re going surfing, babe!’
‘Sexy fun?’ Deirdre asked hopefully.
‘Ahahaha… right we’re off!’ Harper said hurriedly, and half-dragged his Gaelic girlfriend out of the door. Dylan watched them go and sighed. Now he would have to find a replacement for Harper.
***
Once again, bad bad people for getting me started.
Edited because I'm terrible with names!
This post has been edited by hannahthewriter: 08 January 2005 - 07:14 AM
#13
- Taking back control
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Posted 07 January 2005 - 05:15 PM
Now you've started you can't stop, I want more. I Demand more.
AKA Rommie's Voice
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#14
- Fallen... and I can't get up
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Posted 07 January 2005 - 05:15 PM
^
That was great! I love these funny little stories. And, it sounds like there's going to be more...?
I'll look forward to reading it.
-I know I shouldn't nitpik, especially when I'm probably wrong, but I was confused for a second, wasn't Kathleen the waitress Harper tried to pick up in Fear&Loathing?, not the gaelic girl from H2.0?-
But I still love the story!
That was great! I love these funny little stories. And, it sounds like there's going to be more...?
I'll look forward to reading it.
-I know I shouldn't nitpik, especially when I'm probably wrong, but I was confused for a second, wasn't Kathleen the waitress Harper tried to pick up in Fear&Loathing?, not the gaelic girl from H2.0?-
But I still love the story!
#15
- saner than an emu on acid
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Posted 07 January 2005 - 11:19 PM
Eek, it's late and I should really be getting offline, but I couldn't resist the urge to read these.
Both stories are great and had me laughing out loud! Which may not be a good thing because I think I scared the cat.
However, I do have to agree with SnowAngel's nitpick--the Gaelic girl from Harper 2.0 was "Deirdre, my driftrock darlin', my Irish cream, my destiny".
*crosses fingers and hopes that there will be more*
Both stories are great and had me
laughing out loud! Which may not be a good thing because I think I scared the cat.However, I do have to agree with SnowAngel's nitpick--the Gaelic girl from Harper 2.0 was "Deirdre, my driftrock darlin', my Irish cream, my destiny".
*crosses fingers and hopes that there will be more*
God Save and God Bless!
ChicaFrom3 - corrupting the world, one ex-stoner at a time.
Doing STRANGE THINGS in the Name of Art, and STRANGER THINGS in the Name of CHOCOLATE.
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avatar by nostalgia_lj
ChicaFrom3 - corrupting the world, one ex-stoner at a time.
Doing STRANGE THINGS in the Name of Art, and STRANGER THINGS in the Name of CHOCOLATE.
visit member profile for keeper titles
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#16
- Even Harper has bad days
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Posted 08 January 2005 - 07:12 AM
Quote
-I know I shouldn't nitpik, especially when I'm probably wrong, but I was confused for a second, wasn't Kathleen the waitress Harper tried to pick up in Fear&Loathing?, not the gaelic girl from H2.0?-
I realized the same thing at about 1:00 this morning, but couldn't do anything about it! That was my fuddled brain getting Harper's love-life mixed up. Well-spotted! I'll edit the post, as of course Kathleen was indeed the waitress that Harper invited onto the Maru which lead to him inadvertedly letting Gerentex on board. Dnag, I need to rewatch a coupla eps and edit the story. Thanks!
#17
- Even Harper has bad days
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Posted 08 January 2005 - 09:19 AM
So anyway I did a wee bit of tip-tapping at my keyboard this morning. The result is part 2. Enjoy.
***
Rommie walked rapidly towards the slipstream core with a frown on her face. Someone was fixing her, but it wasn’t Harper. It wasn’t Dylan, Beka, or any of the other crewmembers either, and this was extremely worrying. The hatch slid open smoothly as she approached, but the moment she stepped through it someone caught her by the shoulders and pushed her hard against a wall.
‘Hmmm, interesting…’ hissed a voice close to her ear, sibilant and with an accent, and also a note of smugness. The next thing she knew the stranger was sniffing the artificial skin of her neck with gusto. ‘I smell the horrific stench of outdated technology and a faulty personality core. No matter, Paulo will whip you into shape!’ Her assailant stepped back and regarded her with the air of a master chef who has just been asked to make a bread sandwich.
He had dark brown hair with blonde highlights, long and pulled back into a ponytail, and slick like he had styled it with engine oil. He was wearing a painfully tight shiny black waistcoat with silver buckles, and some black pants that seemed to have been designed so that anyone who happened to meet him would not need to stretch their imagination. Despite herself, Rommie winced. The whole effect was finished off by a pair of cowboy boots – black, of course – with pointed toes and spurs, and a pair of startling green eyes that were still observing her disdainfully.
‘Who the hell are you?’ she demanded, still in a state of shock, but he placed his three middle fingers on her lips.
‘Silence! The sound of your voice, with it’s outdated phonetics system and limited language archive, is like sandpaper scraping on my delicate ears. If I had it my way the scrap heap would be too good for you,’ he pulled a face and struck up a dramatic pose. ‘But unfortunately your captain has insisted I do as little damage as possible. But since you ask, and I love to introduce myself, my name is Paulo Martinez. I am your engineer.’
Rommie ran this through her very large brain and shook her head. ‘No, my engineer is Harper. And he’s not insane. Well, not on this scale, anyway.’
‘Silence!’ he repeated, pointing a soldering wand at her like a gun. ‘Your captain has called me in, on extremely short notice, I might add, to make you passably functional. Your other engineer is not here, so…’ he grinned, exposing large, crooked, yellowish teeth. ‘You are all mine, cheri.’ With that he turned back to the control panel and started viciously jabbing at it like he was waging war on the glowing lights. Rommie winced as the impact echoed around her metaphorical skull, then looked at him indignantly.
‘But Harper…’ she said, her voice sounding slightly petulant even to her ears. She guessed what Paulo would say before he had even opened his mouth.
‘Silence!’ he cried, placing his hands over his ears. ‘I see that this ship’s avatar has been severely misrepresented. According to your personality you should resemble a nine year-old girl with rich parents! Now shut up before I ram this somewhere painful!’ he brandished the wand again threateningly.
*
‘Dylan!’ Rommie snarled furiously, bursting through the hatch and slamming her fists down onto his desk. He looked up at her with an air of surprise, but unable to disguise a smirk from surfacing on his face.
‘Problem, Rommie dearest?’ he asked innocently.
‘What exactly were you thinking when you hired this… maniac to fix me?’ she sputtered indignantly. Dylan looked down to disguise a grin that was threatening to split his face in two.
‘He comes very highly recommended,’ he replied mildly. ‘And we do need a stand-in. Harper’s on holiday.’
‘Well. Get. Him. Back.’ Rommie said carefully, enunciating every word so that she was practically spitting at him.
‘Oh, I’m afraid I can’t do that,’ Dylan said sorrowfully, shaking his head. ‘You see, for some reason I’ve had difficulty contacting him. Mainly because he didn’t take any means of communication with him, by my request. Anyway, Paulo’s doing an excellent job, I think,’ he looked back up at her, wide-eyed. ‘Don’t you?’
Rommie opened her mouth to tell Dylan just what she thought of his plan, when a voice called from the corridor outside.
‘Senora? Time for Paulo to take a close look at your wiring. A real close look!’
Rommie looked over her shoulder in terror and fled.
***
Now if I can abandon my laziness there might be some more for you by tomorrow!
***
Rommie walked rapidly towards the slipstream core with a frown on her face. Someone was fixing her, but it wasn’t Harper. It wasn’t Dylan, Beka, or any of the other crewmembers either, and this was extremely worrying. The hatch slid open smoothly as she approached, but the moment she stepped through it someone caught her by the shoulders and pushed her hard against a wall.
‘Hmmm, interesting…’ hissed a voice close to her ear, sibilant and with an accent, and also a note of smugness. The next thing she knew the stranger was sniffing the artificial skin of her neck with gusto. ‘I smell the horrific stench of outdated technology and a faulty personality core. No matter, Paulo will whip you into shape!’ Her assailant stepped back and regarded her with the air of a master chef who has just been asked to make a bread sandwich.
He had dark brown hair with blonde highlights, long and pulled back into a ponytail, and slick like he had styled it with engine oil. He was wearing a painfully tight shiny black waistcoat with silver buckles, and some black pants that seemed to have been designed so that anyone who happened to meet him would not need to stretch their imagination. Despite herself, Rommie winced. The whole effect was finished off by a pair of cowboy boots – black, of course – with pointed toes and spurs, and a pair of startling green eyes that were still observing her disdainfully.
‘Who the hell are you?’ she demanded, still in a state of shock, but he placed his three middle fingers on her lips.
‘Silence! The sound of your voice, with it’s outdated phonetics system and limited language archive, is like sandpaper scraping on my delicate ears. If I had it my way the scrap heap would be too good for you,’ he pulled a face and struck up a dramatic pose. ‘But unfortunately your captain has insisted I do as little damage as possible. But since you ask, and I love to introduce myself, my name is Paulo Martinez. I am your engineer.’
Rommie ran this through her very large brain and shook her head. ‘No, my engineer is Harper. And he’s not insane. Well, not on this scale, anyway.’
‘Silence!’ he repeated, pointing a soldering wand at her like a gun. ‘Your captain has called me in, on extremely short notice, I might add, to make you passably functional. Your other engineer is not here, so…’ he grinned, exposing large, crooked, yellowish teeth. ‘You are all mine, cheri.’ With that he turned back to the control panel and started viciously jabbing at it like he was waging war on the glowing lights. Rommie winced as the impact echoed around her metaphorical skull, then looked at him indignantly.
‘But Harper…’ she said, her voice sounding slightly petulant even to her ears. She guessed what Paulo would say before he had even opened his mouth.
‘Silence!’ he cried, placing his hands over his ears. ‘I see that this ship’s avatar has been severely misrepresented. According to your personality you should resemble a nine year-old girl with rich parents! Now shut up before I ram this somewhere painful!’ he brandished the wand again threateningly.
*
‘Dylan!’ Rommie snarled furiously, bursting through the hatch and slamming her fists down onto his desk. He looked up at her with an air of surprise, but unable to disguise a smirk from surfacing on his face.
‘Problem, Rommie dearest?’ he asked innocently.
‘What exactly were you thinking when you hired this… maniac to fix me?’ she sputtered indignantly. Dylan looked down to disguise a grin that was threatening to split his face in two.
‘He comes very highly recommended,’ he replied mildly. ‘And we do need a stand-in. Harper’s on holiday.’
‘Well. Get. Him. Back.’ Rommie said carefully, enunciating every word so that she was practically spitting at him.
‘Oh, I’m afraid I can’t do that,’ Dylan said sorrowfully, shaking his head. ‘You see, for some reason I’ve had difficulty contacting him. Mainly because he didn’t take any means of communication with him, by my request. Anyway, Paulo’s doing an excellent job, I think,’ he looked back up at her, wide-eyed. ‘Don’t you?’
Rommie opened her mouth to tell Dylan just what she thought of his plan, when a voice called from the corridor outside.
‘Senora? Time for Paulo to take a close look at your wiring. A real close look!’
Rommie looked over her shoulder in terror and fled.
***
Now if I can abandon my laziness there might be some more for you by tomorrow!
This post has been edited by hannahthewriter: 08 January 2005 - 09:21 AM
#18
- Tyrant Matriarch and Pegan Too!
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Posted 08 January 2005 - 10:14 AM
Poor Rommie. Wack Dylan with knuckles on forehead for being so callous.
The Science Fiction Examiner
In the quiet of Midden a young child grows.
Does the salvation of his people grow with him?
"Everything we do now is for the child"
"I made a mistake,
just follow along,
isn't that what tyranny is all about?"
Sheila M---my Praise Band Director
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough
Testify to Love
In the quiet of Midden a young child grows.
Does the salvation of his people grow with him?
"Everything we do now is for the child"
"I made a mistake,
just follow along,
isn't that what tyranny is all about?"
Sheila M---my Praise Band Director
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough
Testify to Love
#19
- Taking back control
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Posted 08 January 2005 - 10:59 AM
Yes poor Rommie.
AKA Rommie's Voice
Come Tweet with me! AscendantAngel you know you want to.
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#20
- Chasing nuns out in the yard
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Posted 08 January 2005 - 12:44 PM
Oh boy. Very poor Rommie!
<~~~Rebekah, Viper pilot. Callsign: "Flash"
And if I die today I'll be the happy phantom. And I will never need umbrellas in the rain. - "Happy Phantom", Tori Amos
Lee and Kara | River Tam | Simon Tam | Beka Valentine | Legolas | Charlie Eppes
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And if I die today I'll be the happy phantom. And I will never need umbrellas in the rain. - "Happy Phantom", Tori Amos
Lee and Kara | River Tam | Simon Tam | Beka Valentine | Legolas | Charlie Eppes
Formerly BekaMP3