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In Honor of Shalamar

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#1 RommieSG


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Posted 15 February 2010 - 11:58 PM

On January 17, 2010, we lost someone very dear to us. Shalamar lost her brave battle against cancer. She showed no fear, and accepted that her end was drawing near. Who better than Shalamar herself to put it into words.


My comment about it all - I will survive for as long as I am supposed to. The Universe just likes to keep me humble.

Shalamar was a longtime member of this community, dating back to the days of Slipstream. Some of you may have also known her as Thundersinger from the KHC Boards. Some of us may have butted head with her over a heated discussion in OT, or perhaps her seemingly stubborn stance on topics related to the board. But many of us will remember her for her contributions to the Role Players within the community.

Being involved in many aspects of Role Playing for most of her life, she was passionate about her stories, and put forth all her effort into creating the worlds that we played in. I know I spent many a night with her looking for just the right picture to capture the feeling of a specific location. Or sometimes, just the right look for our characters. I don’t know how many times I created a webpage for her relating to her games. But she made it worth it, and the games benefited from all her hard work.

She was also one of the kindest persons I have ever known towards animals. Many animals owe their lives to her caring, compassion, and patience. She treated them as if they were members of her family…her children. And to them, she was their Mother. How many times did we have questions about our pets, and Shal was right there to lend her advice and encouragement? I know she had just the right words for me when my cat passed away this past October.

That’s who she was. She was the right person, at the right time, for any situation. We’ve all argued with her, we’ve debated with her, sometimes we had full-on melees. But at the end of the day, there was respect.

Shal was very special to me personally. I don’t think I could ever put into words just how much she meant to me, and always will. She was there for me at a time in my life where I needed someone, and I think I was there for here in the same way. I will always treasure my time with her, and always regret not being able to see her in person…just once.

Blessed Be, Shalamar Thorskald. May The Goddess Walk With You In All The Empty Places You Must Walk. Know that you are loved, and will be sorely missed. May we see each other once again, beyond The Rim.

May this be a lasting memorial to always remember her, and keep her in our hearts. I encourage those who fondly remember her, to share your memories with her, and celebrate her life. That’s what she would have wanted. Let us honor her memory…
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#2 RommieSG


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Posted 16 February 2010 - 12:03 AM

Here is the original thread about her passing...

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#3 Gaiate


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Posted 16 February 2010 - 12:11 AM

Amen, brother.

I think I said all I can right now in the other thread, so I'll leave it at that.

Edited by Gaiate, 16 February 2010 - 12:50 AM.

#4 D'Monix

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Posted 16 February 2010 - 12:35 AM

View PostGaiate, on Feb 16 2010, 05:11 AM, said:

Amen, brother.

I think I said all I can right now in the other thread, so I'll leave it at that.

Oh man.

Shalamar was one of the best people to know, one of the best roleplayers on the forums - having both ran games with her participating in them and roleplayed opposite her, and one of the warmest hearts that I have known.

And I will miss her.

Light and Love, Lady Shalamar, Fly Free.

#5 ArdenCabbel



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Posted 16 February 2010 - 12:39 AM

Shalamar was there for me at a time in my life when noone knew I needed someone there.  I regret that I didn't get to know her as well as I should have.  

Thank you for your support during some pretty hard times.  

Thank you for showing a genuine interest in my writing.

Thank you for indulging my desire for faux political power (You would have made one heck of a vp)

And thank you for being one of the rarest people anyone could meet.  You are truly a person with a true kindness- one that is all too rare among people.

Rest in Peace Shalamar, you will be sorely missed, but fondly remembered.
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#6 Josh


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Posted 16 February 2010 - 12:56 AM

I wish I could claim to have a wonderful story about Shal but unfortunately, I didn't get to know her very well, something that I regret. We interacted a few times in the RPs (always memorably), she gave me a few pep talks on occasion and notably, pulled out the tough love card when I was going through a particularly self-pitying stage. It didn't work... but I appreciated that she tried.

At all times, I admired her strength, which burned with ferocity. Especially in the mid part of the last decade, when I wanted to give up, she became a person I looked up to, a person I wanted to be more like. She fought some gargantuan battles and she came out of them with more love in her heart than ever.

I'll miss her. A lot.

Edited by Josh, 16 February 2010 - 12:58 AM.


#7 Cait


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Posted 16 February 2010 - 01:00 AM

She and I had a rocky road.  We began as great friends in RP'ing.  Tyrant RP was our passion for a long time.  She was one of the best RP'ers I ever wrote with, and I'll always remember her talent for bringing a character to life, and how easy it was to write with her,  to create a story, a scene, or just a good line.

We also had our dark time.  We could not find a way to meet in the middle.  We were so estranged, and so many hurtful things were said.  Each and everyone of them a regretful thing.

But, we were blessed.  Or I was anyway.  We talked.  We worked at understanding.  We found a way back to our friendship.  And in that meeting of the minds, we found our hearts again.  Some people can say things and never really regret them. They move on, and never look back.  We weren't like that.  We didn't stop until we'd found our friendship again, and I thank her for allowing that process to take root and to grow.  

Now, at her passing, I have the peace of knowing, we did what we had to in order to find the truth between us.  A truth that wasn't destroyed during the dark times.  A truth, I can now have to comfort me at her passing.  Thank you Shal for doing the work with me.  Working to find understanding, acceptance, and mostly to find out how much we were alike.  It took a strength not many people have.  But to you, it appeared so easy.  Just try.  Be honest.  And follow your heart.  We did that, and found our way out of the darkness.

Sometimes the best friendships are the ones that transform people.  She literally showed me the way to forgive and how to accept forgiveness.  She was my inspiration in so many ways, and she gave me the supreme compliment to telling me I often was hers.  

Life takes so many twists and turns.  Shal and I, we followed a twisted path, but in the end found real friendship and love in one another.  I will never forget her, and I will always consider her someone who saved my soul with her kindness. A kindness I hope I pass along to others in my own way.

People don't know what a blessing it is to make amends.  We both knew what we'd found in our amends.  And now with her passing, I'm smiling because I didn't waste the opportunity she gave me to find our friendship again.  That's an enormous gift to be given.  She was generous of spirit to a fault.  She gave many chances to everyone to accept and understand.  I was lucky enough to have her reach out to me, and smart enough to take her hand and learn what forgiveness was all about.

In short, she was a goddess in her own right, and you shall have  a place at my alter until the day I die Shal.  I will never forget all your offerings to me, and I hope in some small way, I returned in kind what you gave so generously.


This was something a friend sent me when my son died. I think Shal would like it.. Or I hope so anyway.

"Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain

When you awake in the morning hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
I am the birds in circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there; I did not die."

Rules for surviving an Autocracy:

Rule#1: Believe the Autocrat.
Rule#2: Do not be taken in by small signs of normality.
Rule#3: Institutions will not save you.
Rule#4: Be outraged.
Rule#5: Don't make compromises.
Rule#6: Remember the future.


#8 Cheile


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Posted 16 February 2010 - 01:10 AM

i didn't really know her too well but as a self-professed future crazy cat lady, i admired her love for the cats she had.  there seem to be too few people in the world who understand cats and/or accept them as they are instead of just treating them like fond pets or dumb animals.

as much as we will miss her, i am sure the kitties that have gone before her were happy to see her once again.

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#9 scherzo


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Posted 16 February 2010 - 01:16 AM

Very sad news. RIP Shal.
"Well, the trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant; it's just that they know so much that isn't so."    -Ronald Reagan, October 27 1964
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#10 ilexx

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Posted 16 February 2010 - 02:07 AM

I didn't know Shal very well and I'm having trouble finding the right words, but reading up on her in the OTer of the week-thread, going through some of her last posts and seeing what those who knew her better than I did thought and felt about her, I just have to say that am sad that I didn't get to know her better.

Some time ago I read  somewhere that when you look up for a definition of the notion 'death' you find - at the very end of some very long lists - usually as a last attempt to clearify the issue the entry: see also 'life'. And so I hope and pray for all of those who now grieve over her that in time they will find comfort for this loss by all that her life has brought about for everyone whose paths she's come to cross.

Whatever you may have believed in: God's speed, Shalamar.

#11 RommieSG


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Posted 16 February 2010 - 02:25 AM

Shal and I were in an RP once, and my character, Jonathan Jackson, was killed. We wrote the death scene together...and this is what she wrote...


"Jonathon, light of my life, two seperate lives become so perfectly one...heart of my heart, the crystal I shall ever wear about my throat, the music box I shall listen to each night as I try to sleep with out you near..never to hear your voice save in dreams, never to feel your hand in mine...the waiting for it all to end so we can be together again...I love you and ever will...my beloved husband, my friend, my partner, my life..."

Right back at you, Dearest...
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#12 Darkside_1


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Posted 16 February 2010 - 02:29 AM

In all the 7 or so years that I've chatted with Shal online, I have come to know her as a wonderful person and have held a lot of respect for her.  We may have clashed a little, but I've always respected her opinions.

From our brief chats in IRC to Slipstream to ExIsle, she's been a great person with a lot of compassion and a wonderful imagination for RP'ing.  The closest thread I can recall having the most interaction with her online was the "Come On Inn" thread back in the day...

There was one point in that thread that I can recall when I made an addition to the 'wine cellar' in the Inn that was an elaborate display island for both storage, display, and for sampling.  Both Shal, RommieSG and I were present.

The last I was in contact with her that I can recall was when were raising funds for LoP last summer.

To Shal, I say thank you so much for the memories and your friendship.  I'll miss you around here.  God bless and God keep.

RommieSG, thank you for this thread and thanks for the invite to share my memories of her.  :hugs:

"Harry S. Truman said that he felt like a bale of hay fell on him.

I feel like I got the whole damn barn."

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#13 Raeven


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Posted 16 February 2010 - 03:30 AM

Shalamar was a constant - from my first days 'on-line' at the KHC MB she was there, at Slipstream and here at ExIsle - for more than 10 years she was there. As others have already said, role playing was one of her passions, I got caught up in that passion with the Darkest Night RP and Karasu Pride, writing with her, for her, was a pleasure...her worlds were beautifully crafted, so vivid, so 'real', her imagination seemingly boundless. I hope that where she is now is better than even she could have ever imagined. RIP Shalamar.

Deep peace of the running wave to you.
Deep peace of the flowing air to you.
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep peace of the shining stars to you.
Deep peace of the infinite peace to you.

#14 Cheile


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Posted 16 February 2010 - 03:52 AM

the United in Prayer thread has sort of been quiet in the last few months but i added a prayer for Shal today if you all would like to also join in there.

pray, send energy, think good thoughts, it all counts.

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"Andromeda may be over but it's not dead. Not as long as we have fanfic writers dedicated to keeping it alive.  Whether you accept everything as canon or stop at a certain point. Whether you accept and enjoy Nu Drom or only accept Classic Drom, it will never be over.  Not as long as we have each other [and Beka], who binds us all together." ~ Mary Rose

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#15 Nittany Lioness

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Posted 16 February 2010 - 07:29 AM

That's a lovely thought, Cheile - that she is with her cats that went before her, spiritually.

Whenever I saw her handle I thought of my mother's favorite perfume - a top drawer Paris scent "Shalimar"
(s'ok - spelled slightly different, but still... :))  It was also known for its art deco bottle; it was considered a work of art,
so instead of raising a glass to her, I raise a perfume bottle:

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*puff, puff*

Hope it wafts to where ever you and your cats are ~~~

(Here's some catnip spray for them, too :D)

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*squirt, squirt*

I'm cold Howard.jpg

#16 Pip


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Posted 16 February 2010 - 08:32 AM

Nittany, that was the best post I've ever seen.  And I know Shal would just love it.  :D

I regret that over the past 5 or 6 years, I have been so lax in my online persona, the one that really crafted who I was.  Pip, Pipster, the Pipinator (thanks Rov); she exists b/c of Slipstream and ExIsle.  And Shal had been one of the people I remember from the very beginning.  I became quite good friends with her and Rommie and then I let my communication drop.  I stopped coming here, I stopped posting at Anime Jumpgate (now I lurk) and I stopped posting on my LJ.  

Because of this, I hadn't talked to Shal in YEARS.  I know that I shouldn't worry about that, I know that she wouldn't want it, but it's hard not to dwell b/c Shal was a force of nature that deserved more than what I gave her.  She was kind, witty, fun, beautiful, and she seemingly had no fear.  I admired that in the beginning but I admire it even more now.  What she was going thru couldn't have been pleasant or easy but she accepted it with a grace that many humans will never even know in their lifetimes.  She was a beautiful human and she will be missed immensely.  

Blessed Be, Sister Shal.  May the Gods and Goddesses guide your spirit til we meet again.
Dance as if no one were watching, sing as if no one were listening, and live every day as if it were your last.  --Irish Proverb

#17 Godeskian


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Posted 16 February 2010 - 09:17 AM

I first came into real contact with Shal when Slipstream fell apart, and she contacted me asking me to help with the recovery effort. So we started talking, and on Exisle RP'ing together. Somehow every time we'd be in the same RP, our characters would end up working, or fighting, or loving, or whatever, together.

And even though we generally don't announce it, I know that it was Shalamar who recommended me for being a mod, and backed me for being a supermod, and was one of the voices that kept me in place during the great mod resignation of a few years ago.

So Shal, I will endeavour to remember all the good times, all the fun and excitement of RP, and everything you showed me about being on staff. In my memory, you'll shine bright.

My ally, my co-conspirator, my boon companion. Goodbye my friend. :(

Defy Gravity!

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#18 enTranced


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Posted 16 February 2010 - 10:10 AM

I have already posted in Rommie's original thread but I will here as well. Shal and I were never very close but I have been enjoying her posts since Slipstream and her voice will be missed here.

Again my condolences to Rommie and to us all.

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#19 GiGi


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Posted 16 February 2010 - 01:31 PM

I would like to share this thought from a card I sent to my cousin when my favorite aunt died last Spring:

It is healthy and honorable to weep at the loss of someone we love

Healthy because such passion must be released.
Honorable because it is respectful
to admit the importance of people
who have loved and supported us...
people whose footprints
cannot ever be matched.

-Maya Angelou

Rest in Peace Shal, your strength in the face of such challenge cannot be forgotten, you will be remembered as an inspiration to us all

"Life is as dear to a mute creature as it is to man. Just as one wants happiness and fears pain, just as one wants to live and not die, so do all creatures." -- HH The Dalai Lama

#20 Zwolf

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Posted 16 February 2010 - 02:14 PM

This news got me remembering something I mentioned in the other thread about Shal, and so I went digging back through my PM box and found a pretty remarkable exchange I had with her at the time.  

She was standing up for EI on a rival board, where certain people were saying really cruel things to her, trying to mock a pet she'd just lost to see if they could hurt her feelings.  She didn't give them the satisfaction of letting it bother her over there, but it angered me that she was having to put up with such treatment, so I'd dropped her a PM to let her know she had my sympathies and support.   During the exchange the same cruel people were playing little games over here, trying to get banned... and Shal, who was a mod at the time, was still standing up for their posting rights and trying to argue every benefit of the doubt on their behalf, according to the guidelines.

I told her that I was wanting to go provoke them into a fight and manuever them into a mistake that'd get them kicked off... and she told me not to do that, 'cuz it'd be against the guidelines and then she'd have to give me a warning for it.  She said she understood my temptation, but couldn't condone "vigilantism" on the board.

That's how fair this woman was, even to people who were so unfair to her.  That's extremely rare character, right there, of a high magnitude, and she wouldn't compromise it no matter what you did to her.  

I'm not likely to ever forget her for that.  And I'm really going to miss seeing her around.

"I've moved on and I'm feeling fine
And I'll feel even better
When your life has nothing to do with mine."
-Pittbull, "No Love Lost"

"There are things that I'd like to say
But I'm never talking to you again
There's things I'd like to phrase some way
But I'm never talking to you again

I'm never talking to you again
I'm never talking to you
I'm tired of wasting all my time
Trying to talk to you

I'd put you down where you belong
But I'm never talking to you again
I'd show you everywhere you're wrong
But I'm never talking to you again

I'm never talking to you again
I'm never talking to you
I'm tired of wasting all my time
Trying to talk to you

I'm never talking to you again
I'm never talking to you
I'm tired of wasting all my time
Trying to talk to you."
- Husker Du, "Never Talking To You Again"

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