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Posted 13 August 2003 - 07:14 PM
Quote
Captains Log Stardate 1819.4 We are on
our way to the Gamma Gamma Delta Kai
system and we have encountered what
appears to be a ship. Mr Spock believes
that it's a living ship we are going
to check it out.
"Captain?"
" Yes Mr Spock what is it?"
" I believe the "ship" is now in range."
"Put it on the screen Spock."
On the screen a picture forms into the shape of an insect without wings or legs.
" This is the Starship Enterprise Kirk says, we come in peace, I am Captain James T Kirk. Who am I adressing?"
On the screen came an image of three people two men and a women appeared.
"I am Captain Stanley Tweedle and this is the Lexx the most powerful destructive force in the Universe."
"Who are you?, asked Kirk."
" Stanley Tweedle."
" No not you, you? Miss?"
" Xev Bellringer of B3K."
" Oh Hi. Hi Captain Kirk. James please."
" James."
" We have the technogy to beam to your ship. Can I come over?"
" Sure." said Stan.
The screen went dead and Kirk says "Mr Spock you have the conn."
" Yes Sir. I have to check her out er check them out and I can't ask somebody to do something I'm not prepared to do myself. "
To Be Continued
our way to the Gamma Gamma Delta Kai
system and we have encountered what
appears to be a ship. Mr Spock believes
that it's a living ship we are going
to check it out.
"Captain?"
" Yes Mr Spock what is it?"
" I believe the "ship" is now in range."
"Put it on the screen Spock."
On the screen a picture forms into the shape of an insect without wings or legs.
" This is the Starship Enterprise Kirk says, we come in peace, I am Captain James T Kirk. Who am I adressing?"
On the screen came an image of three people two men and a women appeared.
"I am Captain Stanley Tweedle and this is the Lexx the most powerful destructive force in the Universe."
"Who are you?, asked Kirk."
" Stanley Tweedle."
" No not you, you? Miss?"
" Xev Bellringer of B3K."
" Oh Hi. Hi Captain Kirk. James please."
" James."
" We have the technogy to beam to your ship. Can I come over?"
" Sure." said Stan.
The screen went dead and Kirk says "Mr Spock you have the conn."
" Yes Sir. I have to check her out er check them out and I can't ask somebody to do something I'm not prepared to do myself. "
To Be Continued
http://bboard.scifi....i/1/5/2327/5844
Quote
All day by the Xev Xev
All day did she sit on me
Never has a head given
More head
The air shimmered and a figure materalized on the Lexx's bridge.
"Hello" said Stan.
"Hello" said Kirk.
" You're Xev?"
" Why yes I am, hello!" said Xev
" That's an interesting dress."
" Thank you it's Cluster Lizard."
" Okay."
" Kai kill him now." said the robot head at their feet that Kirk just noticed.
Then he noticed the man in black. "Hi who are you?"
" I am Kai."
" Don't say much do you, who's your little friend?"
" This is 790 and I'm not really motivatived to speak to you. "
"You remind me of Spock my first officer 'cept he's got more feeling."
" The dead to not feel." replied Kai
" O-K so your dead? How did you get that way?"
" Somebody killed me."
" So Captain Kirk where is it are you going?" Stan asked.
"That system right ahead the So'rotity system to the planet Gamma Gamma Delta, Stanley why?"
" That's where we are headed only not to that planet the other one Delta Kai Gamma we heard that the women are easier there."
Xev rolls her eyes at that remark and asks. "So Captain why are you here?"
" Call me Jim, and we're here to explore the unknown to go where no man has gone before."
" Wow" Said Xev "Why don't come to my room there has never been any men in there."
" I've been there." said Stan.
"She said no man Tweedle-de-dum you don't count." said 790.
"Since we're heading to the same place why don't we take you there?" Xev inquired.
" Fine with me is it ok with you guys?" Stan looks at Kai, Kai looks at Stan.
"Ok fine with me." says Stan.
"Let me call my ship and tell them what's going on. Kirk to Enterprise."
" Spock here Captain."
" Spock I'm hitching a ride with these people just take the ship to the system and we will meet you there." Yes captain.
To Be Continued
All day did she sit on me
Never has a head given
More head
The air shimmered and a figure materalized on the Lexx's bridge.
"Hello" said Stan.
"Hello" said Kirk.
" You're Xev?"
" Why yes I am, hello!" said Xev
" That's an interesting dress."
" Thank you it's Cluster Lizard."
" Okay."
" Kai kill him now." said the robot head at their feet that Kirk just noticed.
Then he noticed the man in black. "Hi who are you?"
" I am Kai."
" Don't say much do you, who's your little friend?"
" This is 790 and I'm not really motivatived to speak to you. "
"You remind me of Spock my first officer 'cept he's got more feeling."
" The dead to not feel." replied Kai
" O-K so your dead? How did you get that way?"
" Somebody killed me."
" So Captain Kirk where is it are you going?" Stan asked.
"That system right ahead the So'rotity system to the planet Gamma Gamma Delta, Stanley why?"
" That's where we are headed only not to that planet the other one Delta Kai Gamma we heard that the women are easier there."
Xev rolls her eyes at that remark and asks. "So Captain why are you here?"
" Call me Jim, and we're here to explore the unknown to go where no man has gone before."
" Wow" Said Xev "Why don't come to my room there has never been any men in there."
" I've been there." said Stan.
"She said no man Tweedle-de-dum you don't count." said 790.
"Since we're heading to the same place why don't we take you there?" Xev inquired.
" Fine with me is it ok with you guys?" Stan looks at Kai, Kai looks at Stan.
"Ok fine with me." says Stan.
"Let me call my ship and tell them what's going on. Kirk to Enterprise."
" Spock here Captain."
" Spock I'm hitching a ride with these people just take the ship to the system and we will meet you there." Yes captain.
To Be Continued
http://bboard.scifi....i/1/5/2327/5924
Quote
Captains Log Stardate 1820.0
I am headed to the So'rity system
on the Lexx, one crewmember seems
to need my personal attention
As Kirk and Xev leave the bridge Stan looks at Kai and says "I don't trust him."
Kai says nothing and leaves for his Cryo-chamber. Stan takes 790 to his room and sets him down.790 says.
"Don't know want to know what they're doing over there?"
" No! Turn yourself off!" Stan takes his clothes off and throws them over 790.
Coming from Xev's room were Xev's moans and cries of "yes yes". Stan turns over and tries to sleep. Meanwhile in the hallway outside of Xev's room Kirk flips open his communicator. "Kirk to Spock."
" Spock here Captain."
" Spock beam over here with Bones I need you."
"Yes sir."
Minutes later Kirk tells them all about the ship. "Bones I need for you to check out Stan's hand for the Bio-key."
" I am a doctor not the Toothfairy!"
" Bones. Okay Okay." The next day they arrive at Gamma Delta Kai. Once down Stan meets two women Bambi and Randi. Kirk buys a red confortable and tells Spock that he has command of the ship. I see you got what you wanted Captain a Redhead and a confortable. And you get the ship. On the Lexx Kai learns some bad news from 790 and calls Stan. On a hill overlooking the City Kirk and Xev are lying on the ground looking meaningfully at each other getting closer and closer. When all of a sudden both Xev's scawker and Kirk's communicator blips at the same time. After Xev hears what's happening she turns to Kirk to tell him. After he listens to her he says.
"What? why didn't you tell me?? "
To Be Concluded
I am headed to the So'rity system
on the Lexx, one crewmember seems
to need my personal attention
As Kirk and Xev leave the bridge Stan looks at Kai and says "I don't trust him."
Kai says nothing and leaves for his Cryo-chamber. Stan takes 790 to his room and sets him down.790 says.
"Don't know want to know what they're doing over there?"
" No! Turn yourself off!" Stan takes his clothes off and throws them over 790.
Coming from Xev's room were Xev's moans and cries of "yes yes". Stan turns over and tries to sleep. Meanwhile in the hallway outside of Xev's room Kirk flips open his communicator. "Kirk to Spock."
" Spock here Captain."
" Spock beam over here with Bones I need you."
"Yes sir."
Minutes later Kirk tells them all about the ship. "Bones I need for you to check out Stan's hand for the Bio-key."
" I am a doctor not the Toothfairy!"
" Bones. Okay Okay." The next day they arrive at Gamma Delta Kai. Once down Stan meets two women Bambi and Randi. Kirk buys a red confortable and tells Spock that he has command of the ship. I see you got what you wanted Captain a Redhead and a confortable. And you get the ship. On the Lexx Kai learns some bad news from 790 and calls Stan. On a hill overlooking the City Kirk and Xev are lying on the ground looking meaningfully at each other getting closer and closer. When all of a sudden both Xev's scawker and Kirk's communicator blips at the same time. After Xev hears what's happening she turns to Kirk to tell him. After he listens to her he says.
"What? why didn't you tell me?? "
To Be Concluded
http://bboard.scifi....i/1/5/2327/5941
Quote
All day by the Xev Xev
All night by the Xev Xev
She is the Sun in my day
And the moon in my night
"Why didn't you tell about this Mandrid?" Kirk demanded.
" I don't know it must've slipped my mind." said Xev.
"Slipped your mind! We have to talk to Stan now!" After they meet back up with Stan.
Kirk says "This Mandrid person has destroyed the neighboring planet?"
" Yes Jim. Tough guy ins't he?"
" Well we have to protect these people!"
" You might have to but I don't!" Kirk takes out his phaser and demands that Stan return them to the Lexx. Once there he orders Spock and Bones to join him.
Watching from Lexx's viewscreen they see Mandrid's drone arms dismantling Gamma Delta Kai. Kirk turns his phaser on Stan and orders him to fire on Mandrid at this point Mandrid is on the other side of the Enterprise.
But Stan potested "If I fire I'll destroy you own ship too."
" I said fire!" Kirk said menacingly. Stan fires and misses Mandrid's arms completely and destroys the Enterprise!
"Give me the Bio-Key." Kirk demands.
"How to know about that?"
" Xev told me about it."
" Oh when you were having sex?"
" We didn't have sex." Xev says.
"What do you mean "Didn't have sex"? I heard you."
" Prevert! says 790. "
"I must've fallen asleep we talked for such a long time, all he talked about was his ship, his mission, his heroism, plus he wears a wig! Could you have sex with someone who wears a wig?" Stan looks at Xev's hair and says I could get around that.
"I must've been dreaming that's what you must've heard."
" A dream?!"
" Never mind that I want that Key I know you can control the Lexx with it. Spock." Spock aims his phaser at Xev.
Kai steps foward. "This is illogical."
"Who said the dead are logical?" And with that Kai beheads Spock! Bones rushes over to him and says.
"Spock's dead Jim."
" Duh!" replies 790.
Kai then aims his brace at Kirk. But Kirk jumps him a fight ensues, after awhile Kirk get up thinking he's beaten Kai, Kirk's shirt got ripped off in the melee. But Kai fires his brace at Kirk's back and kills him. Kirk body falls over the end of the bridge. Bones walks backwards and trips over 790 and he too falls to his death. Stanley.
"You don't have tell me twice Kai, Lexx wherever Mandrid is take us in the oppsite direction now!"
After they have gotten away and returned Kai to his cryo-chamber Stan asks Xev what she was thinking how could she trust somebody who flies around the galaxy in his pajamis, she replies
"I don't know but I liked his smile. "
The End
All night by the Xev Xev
She is the Sun in my day
And the moon in my night
"Why didn't you tell about this Mandrid?" Kirk demanded.
" I don't know it must've slipped my mind." said Xev.
"Slipped your mind! We have to talk to Stan now!" After they meet back up with Stan.
Kirk says "This Mandrid person has destroyed the neighboring planet?"
" Yes Jim. Tough guy ins't he?"
" Well we have to protect these people!"
" You might have to but I don't!" Kirk takes out his phaser and demands that Stan return them to the Lexx. Once there he orders Spock and Bones to join him.
Watching from Lexx's viewscreen they see Mandrid's drone arms dismantling Gamma Delta Kai. Kirk turns his phaser on Stan and orders him to fire on Mandrid at this point Mandrid is on the other side of the Enterprise.
But Stan potested "If I fire I'll destroy you own ship too."
" I said fire!" Kirk said menacingly. Stan fires and misses Mandrid's arms completely and destroys the Enterprise!
"Give me the Bio-Key." Kirk demands.
"How to know about that?"
" Xev told me about it."
" Oh when you were having sex?"
" We didn't have sex." Xev says.
"What do you mean "Didn't have sex"? I heard you."
" Prevert! says 790. "
"I must've fallen asleep we talked for such a long time, all he talked about was his ship, his mission, his heroism, plus he wears a wig! Could you have sex with someone who wears a wig?" Stan looks at Xev's hair and says I could get around that.
"I must've been dreaming that's what you must've heard."
" A dream?!"
" Never mind that I want that Key I know you can control the Lexx with it. Spock." Spock aims his phaser at Xev.
Kai steps foward. "This is illogical."
"Who said the dead are logical?" And with that Kai beheads Spock! Bones rushes over to him and says.
"Spock's dead Jim."
" Duh!" replies 790.
Kai then aims his brace at Kirk. But Kirk jumps him a fight ensues, after awhile Kirk get up thinking he's beaten Kai, Kirk's shirt got ripped off in the melee. But Kai fires his brace at Kirk's back and kills him. Kirk body falls over the end of the bridge. Bones walks backwards and trips over 790 and he too falls to his death. Stanley.
"You don't have tell me twice Kai, Lexx wherever Mandrid is take us in the oppsite direction now!"
After they have gotten away and returned Kai to his cryo-chamber Stan asks Xev what she was thinking how could she trust somebody who flies around the galaxy in his pajamis, she replies
"I don't know but I liked his smile. "
The End
This was before I started using " ", so I'm sorry if it's alittle hard to read. But I thought it was an amusing story.
This post has been edited by DWF: 17 January 2004 - 07:36 PM
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MultiQuote
and I almost died laughing at Kirk and Xev. 
Posted 19 August 2003 - 05:30 PM
I completely forgot that I had read this... it's really funny, once I got past the odd format. Kirk hitting on Xev and Xev's line about men with wigs... classic!
Posted 26 January 2004 - 09:30 PM